Wednesday, October 8, 2008
It hurts sometimes
I talked to a lady recently whose best friend had gone back out and was banging on her door at 3 AM. This lady has gotten back on her own feet, owns her own place, and was afraid that the police would be called if she didn't let her friend in. She described how afraid she was and how she breached her own boundaries out of fear. The friend was drunk, incoherent, and a mess.
After a weekend of almost no sleep, the lady asked her friend to leave, took him to a meeting where he picked up a white chip, and then to a motel to drop him off. When she called him yesterday, she could tell that he was drinking.
She expressed her anger at herself and at God. She said that she no longer trusted God enough to let go. Her friend was drunk and possibly suicidal and yet she knew that she had to detach for her own sake. She simply didn't know whether she could trust that God would take care of him.
These are tough things to think about. We have to let go before we lose who we are. But in the process of letting go, we want to believe that there was nothing else we could have done to help. This requires a lot of faith and working through our feelings of powerlessness. I would like to think that what happens to the people I love is not my decision. I can't protect them from themselves. If I don't let go, then I hold on and lose myself in the process.