I've been thinking about a lot of things in the last few days. Being laid up with a stomach bug gives you lots of time to think about where you are in life and where you really want to be. I've mostly gone along over the years with all kinds of things, never really allowing myself to think about the things that I wanted to do. Now, I'm finding that there is a whole new world available to me and I'm beginning to see that I don't want to waste time getting to that new world. I've thought about my marriage and wonder whether it is salvagable. I've thought about my possessions and wondered if I could just walk away from them. I've thought about my career and whether it's time for a drastic change.
Things seem exciting for the first time in a long while and I am wanting to not hang back this time and let life pass me by. I know in my heart that I really want to live alone, be my own person, get up when I want to, go to bed when I like, eat what I fix, and do nothing or do something. It's hard though to make the break from all the ties that bind me to home and job. I now understand why people just walk away from everything and move to a different place, get a new name, and start over. I'm too committed to run though so I'll have to work through this the hard way--by thinking through options and making decisions. Some of these decisions are going to rock my world and those around me. I'm not going to rush into doing anything drastic yet but I can feel that the time is coming for some choices. Maybe it's the program and recovery, but things are definitely much different than they were a year ago.