Friday, April 27, 2007

How do you play the game?

I was listening to a speaker talk about how life is often spoken of as a game. I haven't felt that it was much fun playing the game of life until I came to Al-Anon. In thinking about my life and the stages that I've gone through, several things come to mind as to how I've played the game.

1. Don't play at all--just give up. During the last few years when things were so bad and I felt hopeless, I came as close to giving up as I could. I simply had enough of the anger, moodiness, emptiness and depression. I had thought about suicide or doing damage to myself but these were mainly things that I would mentally flirt with. I know now that giving up is a state of hopelessness and not one that I want to revisit.

2. Drop out and just do whatever substances you can eat, shoot, drink or inhale. I didn't do much of this or make it a career but I did hang out with people on the fringes when I was in college. I dabbled in this or that but never found that any substance I used made me feel any better.

3. Deny that you want to play, yet you really do. I've made a real habit of this for much of my life. Never feeling apart of anything made it easy to deny that I wanted to participate when asked. I really did want to be a part of things but was blocked by my fear of rejection.

4. Give it everything that you've got and keep at it no matter what. This has probably been my most used strategy in the game and one that co-dependents do well. It's also another way to define insanity by doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results.

I've determined after being in the program that the best way to play is to have a total awareness and just enjoy life. I also try to live each day with gratitude. My revelations about life occur in the now.


  1. I never really saw any of those elemants as games years ago.It was just .... the way I lived.It never occured to me it was unhealthy until I woke up one morning hung over from drinking and smoking heroin for the first and last time did I realized it was a kind of game...I felt defeated.
    My history had been riddled with much of what you just shared here.
    BUT.Eleven years ago I began letting go and to this day..I continue.I can see I played the my own head.
    Today it is a whole new way of more games.I love the life and acceptance in this post
    Syd.Thank you for sharing and have a most excellent weekend :)

  2. Yes I get "the game" aspect of life today too. Of course when I was still out there, the game just seemed cruel and unusual punishment to me. I didn't really want to play, but just kept getting sucked in over and over. Isn't it nice to know that today the games we choose to play are fun ones?
    love and HUGS

  3. Kind of scary cuz in playing the game or any game you win or loose. Gosh I sure do not want to loose. But perhaps with loosing comes wisdom and humbleness.

    Anyhow I sent your blog page to my really well qualified Al-Anon. Thank you for exposing yourself and offering your ESH in the rooms of Al-Anon and your life.

  4. Really insightful post. At first I read #4 and thought "hell, yah!" until I read the rest of it and realized I also did the co-dependent thing with my family, particularly with my mom. I'm in a situation right now that fortunately my sponsor caught on without me telling her the potential for me getting back into this part of the game with my mom, who's having heart surgery. It'll be my temptation to throw myself into making everything ok for her even though my mother is intent on being miserable.

    I am definitely up for the game of life, but it would be self-defeating to put myself into a place that sucks the life out of me. I'm glad the program has helped me see that and put people in my life to pull me away from the danger I might not have the self-love to otherwise do for myself yet.

    Thank you Syd for putting this into perspective.

  5. Be here Now...have a great weekend Syd

  6. *Let me just be clear the first and last time I tried heroin.
    ((I was an old pro at drinking by then))ugh.
    I am so grateful to be living well what you share to enhance that for me and others Syd.
    Have a great weekend sanding your boat or going to Cosco or whatever you have on your list of things to do and things you want to

    Watch for pics next week from my weekend..

  7. The only thing I like about the whole game idea is that if its a game I do not to take it so seriously


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