Today, I'm waking up to a crisp Easter morning. There's a lot of sunshine and the wind has calmed down from yesterday's stiff breeze. Looking at the water and waves reminds me of my own insignificance in the grand scheme of things. I guess that I'm feeling particularly humble and grateful today.
I've read that humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. It is letting go of the pretenses and defenses that have been put in place. I was a master at putting on a brave face. Even if I felt like crap, I would pretend to be strong and okay. What I've learned is that I want to be real and to hide nothing, neither the good nor the bad. I'm willing to acknowledge that there are many things that I need to learn and that I have many miles yet to go. I'm grateful to be on the journey.
Mother Theresa obviously knew precisely what humility meant when she said, "If you are humble nothing can touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know who you are."
I hope that each of you has today as one that finds you at peace with yourself.
Nice post! Your posts always make me turn things over in my mind.
ReplyDeleteYeah I love that 'grand scheme of things' feeling. Very nice. Its a very gentle way of experiencing humility. Its a nicer version than the painful ego puncturing kind! They are both good though.
I find the 'pretense' thing interesting. Yes, I did used to do that. But I have a different way of expressing myself now that Is very ? Contained and restrained. As opposed to 'zero impulse control', so what I may look like on the outside and what I am experiencing internally may be two very different things. But I would not call that pretense. The fact that I do not need to explain my inner conflicts to whomever I meet could also be described as an inner/outer mismatch, but its the motive that makes it different. The 'containment' is not done for the sake of protecting the ego from the (imagined) judgment of others, it is simply because relating all my experiences to others as they occur does not always help me. Sometimes it does. But not very often. I can often obtain more peace of mind by focusing on what I can contribute.
Anyway. Its all interesting. I love this recovery thing, it never stays the same. Seems to shift around constantly. And you can never be entirely sure if you are right or deluding yourself which adds a certain 'Je ne sais quois' to say the least!
All I know is that I can 'feel' when there is a desire to hide a weakness for fear of being judged. If I feel that, then I know I am wrong and ego is in charge. If that happens, I try to puncture it by saying the thing that my ego is telling me I should keep to myself. I did it this morning as a matter of fact and it seemed to work. The ego is a funny old beast. I can just! about feel it when it sticks its head up over the parapet. But its not always easy to see.
enjoy your peace
ReplyDeleteHappy Easter
I don't think I can ever get anywhere close to that description.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite definition of humility is on page 58 of the 12/12. Look it up, if you care to read it.
Way to go! Great site thanks for sharing! I like it! Happy Easter...after the death and ashes comes springing up new life so it is with us in recovery...8>)
ReplyDeletehttp://12stepz4you.blogspot.com/
I loved the humility passage. I will try to put that in my awareness this week.
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