I was listening to a speaker last night describe how hard it is to keep the focus on himself. He has two adult sons who are addicts. He said that it's hard for him to keep quiet around them because he wants them to get a sponsor, work the steps and read literature, and do all the other things in order to keep them from relapsing. In short, he said that he has a hard time just keeping quiet. He wants so badly for them to stay in AA and do everything possible to stay clean.
It was an interesting discussion because I've done what he has done: made suggestions to my SO about working the steps or going to more meetings. It came across really badly every time that I tried to make suggestions, largely because I was trying to work her program for her. Finally, after I was met with less than happy comments back, I decided that how someone works their program isn't any of my business. I can only work mine and work on me.
Knowing that I'm powerless over what someone else does helps me keep the focus on myself. I've also felt the resentment boiling in the other person when I've made "helpful" (read controlling) suggestions. Resentment is a dangerous thing and can lead to any number of problems in a relationship and with recovery. One of the best take home messages that I came away with from the meeting was the following: "Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut".