Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Caring for myself

It's been great to spend a few days at home. I went into work today and caught up on things there. All was going well until my office computer crashed. I talked to the IT folks and they are ordering me a new one to be installed while I'm at sea. Things like this used to make me go into a frenzy but now I can just shrug and say that it was a good time to have it crash, since I won't be around.

The meeting tonight was good, but I have to say that it brought up some past issues. The topic was how to love yourself. There were a lot of people sharing about how they never had any time to love themselves or take care of themselves because they were always taking care of others. There were some people who mentioned having no money with which to take care of themselves. Someone shared that she didn't know what it meant to love herself, and if someone would just give her a set of instructions, she could follow that and understand how to take care of herself.

My thoughts were that to all outward appearances, I had taken good care of myself. I had projects, a good career, hobbies, and lots of activities that I enjoyed. However, I also thought that a lot of my activities in the past were related to a need to validate myself through my accomplishments in order to get approval by others. My relationships were also those in which I molded myself to what others wanted me to be (the chameleon syndrome). Now I think that through my program, I've learned that I'm a pretty neat person and that I can enjoy being who I am. I'm also learning that criticism and angry outbursts from those that I love may have nothing to do with me. By taking my own inventory and asking whether I did anything to bring on an angry outburst, I can determine whether I need to offer an apology or just keep quiet ("Never miss an opportunity to keep my mouth shut"). What I'm finding is that I don't alway have a role to play in someone else's script. It's their issue and not mine that brings forth anger most of the time. I'm now willing to own something that I do have a part in, but no longer will I try to smooth things over when I'm not even a bit player.

I'm glad that I have this program. I'm thankful for my meetings and the thoughts that all of you express as you progress with your own program.


  1. you gave me some things to think about today

  2. yeh I love that one, other people can have outbursts, and its absolutely nothing to do with me and its not my job to sort them out either... glad your happy Syd, lovely post

  3. Taking care of myself isn't something I do well. I'm hoping I will learn how to in the program.

    Your words are very healing and insightful, as always!

    Peace out!

  4. It so often so hard for people to realize that caring for ones self is not selfish but an act of love, honor and respect for ourselves. It took me practically my whole life to understand this being a perpetual caretaker/social worker type. Great book : The Four Agreements....
    made me see myself in relation to others and the world in a much more caring way.

    Good for you that you understand this.

  5. Thoughtful post, Syd. Figuring out the difference between self-interest and selfishness is important. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you, and I'm glad you are realizing what a neat person you are.

  6. dang Syd, I soooo needed to read this.. I should of read this before my husband came home... LOL not only am I alcoholic, I am also alanonic... its what we call the alanoners around here. Anywhoo. I can relate to the chameleon syndrome - to the needing to take better care of myself. I know thats why I feel so frazzeled lately. I really appreciated what you shared too, about not taking on other people's crap to do an... inventory... and look at my part to see if truly there is anything I did... LOL hello shannon.
    well I am in a very rambly mood tonight.. so dont mind me. I appreciate you and what you share here. Thanks Syd, have a good night

  7. I needed to read this today. I think God may have used you for the benefit of a lot of us with this particular post...so thank you.

  8. I just listened to my sponsor tell me I needed better self-care - which I felt greatly insulted about!

  9. Hey I think you're pretty neat too! Still practicing taking care of self, some days are better than others...
    love and HUGS

  10. Lovely post, Syd. Thanks for helping me stay clean today.
    Peace and Love,

  11. Hey hope you are having a relaxing weekend at home after all that sailing Syd! Im just enjoying the sun and gym. Onerous tasks on the computer always make posting preferable, but without them, all theother stuff looks like much better fun! right i shoudl be in the gyn really. see you later..


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