I'm not sure what those of you who are dads are doing today but I hope that it is a good day. Funny that I don't remember much about how I honored my father. I know that I made cards for him, just as I did for my mother. I also gave him presents when I was older. Things like slippers, a tie, or a shirt. I just don't remember anything else that was special about those father's day activities.
Regret has a way of sneaking up on you. The Big Book says that you won't regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. And I know that I can't relive anything from the past now. But I have those moments when I wish that I could have told my father that I loved him more. All the gifts and cards don't really amount to much when it's the words that really convey the meaning.
In spite of the painful times that I had around his drinking and his criticism, I loved him. He was a good provider and he taught me a love for the water and living things. He grew up on a farm and went to sea as a young man out of high school. He decided that the mariner's life wasn't for him though after he fell in love with my mother. My father liked poetry and had this soft compassionate inside that he didn't project on the outside. It was there though when he would cry over the loss of his sister who died an alcoholic or when an animal that he loved would die. He just didn't let that side of him out very often. Maybe it was his generation or maybe it was the fear that blocked him. I know now that it wasn't about me.
So hopefully the father that you are or those in your life know love and will find joy in the day.
I am grateful for people who understand breaking unhealthy family cycles is not only possible,
ReplyDeletebut moves the next generation to healthier family ties.
Thank you for sharing here Syd and for all of your supportive comments with everyone online :)
I haven't spoke to my Father since I have been sober. Today I took my kids on a hike and they made cards for me..
ReplyDeleteAfter I got sober, I realized that it was a greater act of love for me to not make my father uncomfortable by saying "I love you" all the time. His idea of love was NOT demonstrative and he was extremely uncomfortable with any mushy stuff. I learned to respect that because it was him. I suspect your father knew at a deep level that you loved him, and you intuitively knew his generation wasn't up for all the "touchie-feelie" stuff.
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day Syd. Sorry for the long comment.
Syd,
ReplyDeleteThat was very touching...bittersweet! WE love our parents regardless of who they are or what they have done. I do believe that they did their best with the tools they had.
Have a great week Syd!
My guess is that you did not come to this inner peace about your Dad without a lot of work on your part. I love that the program works when we are willing to do the work....your willingness is showing my friend ;)
ReplyDeleteYa know Syd, I think that all of the cards and the gifts you gave your dad showed him how he was loved, even more than words could have....
ReplyDeleteLove to you, my friend!
I think it is precious that you are taking in all of the positive things about your father. Our parents and thier imperfections can assist us and teach us how not to live just as their good parts can teach us how to live.
ReplyDeleteIt is a gift that you can see past your Father's exterior into his soul...hold those sweet memories.
ReplyDeleteI think your father sounded cool. I don't think he sounds unemotional at all. but I never met the guy. but what I mean is I would not perceive someone who behaved like that as being unemotional. everybody looks emotional to me. i find the human condition pretty raw and exposed. the inside stuff just doesn't seem very hidden to me. but at the same time i know what you mean, and i think its good that you have less shame around openly expressing sadness than your father had. right im off. gym!
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