Friday, July 20, 2007

Fifth Step

I completed my Fifth Step last night with my sponsor. We began with the Third Step prayer and then basically, I began to talk about passages in my life and the feelings that accompanied them. At the end of my story, we talked about the various feelings and thought processes that had been part of each phase of my life. My sponsor made a list as I was talking of possible character defects. We then went over that list to see if I was in agreement. I also had a list and we went over that with the result that I have 50 character defects.

I was rigorously honest in what I brought up. Some of these defects are ones that are from the past and no longer are present; however, some are wedged in tight to my psyche and will take time to excise.

My sponsor suggested a couple of things. One is to write down each of the defects, cut out a slip of paper with each one listed, and put the slips of paper for all 50 in my God box. Then, each day I will draw out one defect to work on, pray about, and give up to my HP. The second thing to do is to make a list of those characteristics that I portray to the outward world and another list of those things that are really inside me.

So here is what I came up with:
Outwardly--confident, happy, free, calm, caring about others, deliberate
Inwardly--controlling, tense, obsessive, self-centered, fearful, critical, lonely, inhibited

This was a humbling but wonderful experience for me. I feel a lot of relief to have divulged things that I have never told another. I am grateful for the opportunity to share these things with another person.

"Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility." AA Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions


  1. I like your idea about the god box and defects, i think i'll try that as well. BTW, i really love your pix every day, hope you have a good weekend!

    My divorce is almost finalized and i'm moving into my log cabin this weekend, I can't wait!


  2. some of our most humbling experiences in healing can indeed be wonderful Syd :) Okay..not all I know but the ones that are sure bring a sigh of relief huh?
    Come on by my blog this weekend for a looky loo at my weekend post:)
    love Tab xo

  3. Congratulations on a huge leap in recovery!

  4. Excellent.
    I hope some day to narrow my list down to somewhere near 50.

  5. I'm so gald you came away with a positive experience...You willingness is SHOWING!!!

  6. I wish I had a sponsor to sit with and discuss my problems without any judging. Like a free therapist.
    I like that idea of the box.

  7. Well aren't you full of wisdom and great ideas! First I stole the knee-prayer, and now, like RC, I think I'll steal the God box! Ok, maybe my defects will stay there safe and sound for a while, but I'm all over the IDEA of it LOL
    Thanks for sharing all of you!

  8. Wow. I'm impressed. I hope that this helps clear the way for you to remove these defects.

  9. My sponsor had me do the same -- first when I was on the third step with things I wasn't willing to turn over or had a hard time turning over. Later I did it again with shortcomings and am still practicing that one.
    Because I'm very visual and I also like ritual, it helped me a great deal.
    I'm so happy for you about your fifth step experience!
    Peace and LOVE, Syd,

  10. I just re-read that post. The difference here was, I did not draw them OUT of the box, I GAVE each one TO the box (G-d)while praying on each one every day.

  11. moving onto 6 & 7 were extremely helpful to me since I could ask God to remove my defects instead of me trying to figure it out

    congrats on getting past the huge 4 & 5 hurdle,

    "its not for those who need it, its not for those who want it, its for those who do it" the deal that is


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