Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Getting on my knees

For the last few days, I've been doing something that I did when I was a child. I've gotten down on my knees to pray. My prayer is basically the same as when I was a child--I pray for my HP to help me to help myself.

I remember those nights of desperation when I was so confused and sad as a kid. I would pray over and over for strength and courage so that I could help fix myself. I would pray for my family and that they would be happy. Later, I stopped praying regularly and would only pray during those days when things at home were particularly bad. I've also prayed selfish prayers that I know now were not appropriate.

Last week when I got down on my knees for the first time in decades, it felt awkward, as if I were an actor in a movie. My mind was telling me that I was a fake. But I said the Serenity Prayer and then took some deep breaths and said what I needed to say: "Help me to help myself and watch over those that I love that they may find peace and joy in their lives. I am in need of guidance and strength as I continue this journey of life. Be my guide, my strength and my salvation."

After these words left me, I felt very peaceful and content. My mind was clear of agitation. I am seeing the power of this humble act and how it can change who I am and what I feel.


  1. I'm right there with you, i've been a little outta sorts and last night felt like i was "forcing" my prayer. I even said at one point "i know i'm not praying to your the right way" But as my sponsor says, just keep praying even when it feels like it is forced, i know inside that god knows i'm trying and he knows i'm not perfect. It doesn't matter what i say as long as it's heart felt and genuine i know god will know i'm doing all i can especially when i'm in pain.

    Thanks for that post, it really helped lift my spirits today knowing someone else is going through the same.


  2. i love praying on my knees, I dont do it at anymore... why I am not sure...?? but I remember when I was first sober, I would hit my knees every night, and I would get that warm peaceful fealling.
    last night my sponsor told me to remember my knees when I go through what I am. and thats a good idea... thanks Syd
    hope your day is going good

  3. Dear precious Syd - - -

    I was not going to comment on this blog, but my tears of absolute humility are flowing after reading your beautiful blog. I am no longer physical able to get down on my knees (I can't get back up) - - - but my prayers are much similar to yours today, thanks to Al-Anon - of asking only for courage, strength and guidance, and also asking for knowledge of His will for me just for this day. I always follow my prayer with a simple 'Thank you for my life.'

    Once again, thanks so very very much for such a poignant blog - - - it really touched my heart.

    Much love in the AFB Fellowship!
    Anonymous #1

  4. From Anonymous #1 -- - oops --- a typo at the closing: I meant to say the AFG (Al-Anon Family Groups) Fellowship!

  5. Syd,
    It took my son almost dying to get on my knees and I clearly remember that day well. I felt so hopeless and helpless and I begged for faith and direction. Since, that day I believe God does guide us that he is always there not only for us but for our loved ones who are the substance abuser.

  6. Hi Syd, sometimes, I get on my knees and just "be quiet"..I say "God, I'm here". This can sometimes be very powerful. I'm glad you have your program..I can tell you love it. Don't you wish the 12 step program was Known by EVERYONE?

  7. I hope you can continue to find solace in your prayers and that all is well with you.

  8. Prayer is cool. yeah the knees thing definitely adds a certain 'something'

  9. I have heard many people through the years say that they pray on their knees. I have never done so as I thought it would feel fake, like you said. Tonight I am going to try praying this way, thanks to you!

    Oh, and PS... signed, sealed but (you're) not delivered! LOL

  10. Hi Syd:
    I've read your comments on other blogs and finally made it to yours. This post about getting on your knees hits right to the heart of praying to me. I am learning to practice my faith and also just feel a bit ridiculous getting on my knees. Yeah, like I was faking it. And HE would know it. I've liked Anne Lamott's thoughts on faith. She finds it in a bathroom. But...I am learning to pray and your post has helped me to consider that perhaps getting on my knees ain't so fake after all. Thanks, and peace, Kathy

    ps: love the boat!

  11. your so right. I need to get on my knees more..

  12. That's a beautiful prayer! If you don't mind, I will copy the words...thats exactly what I need to pray for...guidance and strength.
    Last week I went to church..on the way there..I had my prayers planned..what I would ask for...what I would pray for..or beg for...!
    After the sermon...all that was forgotten...I didn't ask for anything. I thanked God or my H.P. for everything I did have...and didn't dwell on what I needed or wanted.
    So, I went in asking...and came out thanking, and felt a lot better for it.
    Sometimes I forget to be thankful for all the good things I do have like health, grandkids, a home, car, food.
    I just need to go to church more often.
    Yes, I believe there is 'power' in prayer.
    Thanks, Syd!


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