Monday, October 1, 2007

If wishes were horses

Remember the old rhyme that said, "If wishes were horses, then beggars might ride" ? Some days I have wishes that indicate how powerless I am over my own emotions. I wish that no one had to be affected by alcoholism. I wish that people would get over themselves and say what they mean and mean what they say. I wish that I could be completely happy without any companionship. These things are about as impossible as having wishes be horses.

For some reason, I'm finding myself feeling particularly vulnerable today. I'm still tired from the weekend and my back is really stiff from getting bounced around on the boat. I lapse into my worst thinking when I'm not feeling healthy in my body. Today, I just want to not do anything. I don't want to be around anyone, and I'm too numb from how the disease has affected me to really care. I know what to do and will get off my butt, get down on my knees, and get going with my day. If I stay too long inside my head today, I know that it won't be good.
I'm grateful that my home group meets tonight. I need to get to a meeting. I need to know that there are others who also have their dark moments. And that there is always a way to get out of my head by accepting that I can't change anyone or anything except me. Even as I write this, I can feel my thinking becoming right again. Time to start this day over again now.


  1. It is hard to think straight when your back hurts. Please take care. Heating pad & ibuprofen?

  2. Some days just suck no matter what. It's best to just let it be and know that there are better days ahead.
    I believe you have to love yourself and be comfortable with yourself and enjoy being solitary before you can share your life with someone else.
    Hope the rest of the week is better.

  3. i sometimes wish my brain had an on/off switch. but you're thinking your way through this completely the right way. well done! have a good week!

  4. So many tools.
    So many times to use them.

  5. The truth is heavy. theres no doubt about that. the more you see, the more 'heavy' the view. the only way for me to manage the ego pumcturing view is to try and give back to the world. it gives me a sense of joy and a faith that all is well. faith without works is dead as they say. but yeah, its easier to be negative when we are physically out of sorts.
    the road gets narrower. as i grow, it gets harder and harder to tolerate the c*ap that other people are doing. I am forced to 'stick with the winners', otherwise I would go mad. Asides from newcomers and other service work, I pretty much avoid people, places and things that are not ? on a 'spiritual path'. it would be too depressing otherwise. I need to be with like minded people, places and things Everybody needs the support of like minded people.
    hope the back gets better soon.

  6. isolation is one of my character defects

  7. Oh I have felt that way. Let yourself feel those feelings, then move on. Do something for your aching back, you'll feel better.

  8. And this to shall pass, my friend. Hugs are on the way.


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