Remember the old rhyme that said, "If wishes were horses, then beggars might ride" ? Some days I have wishes that indicate how powerless I am over my own emotions. I wish that no one had to be affected by alcoholism. I wish that people would get over themselves and say what they mean and mean what they say. I wish that I could be completely happy without any companionship. These things are about as impossible as having wishes be horses.
For some reason, I'm finding myself feeling particularly vulnerable today. I'm still tired from the weekend and my back is really stiff from getting bounced around on the boat. I lapse into my worst thinking when I'm not feeling healthy in my body. Today, I just want to not do anything. I don't want to be around anyone, and I'm too numb from how the disease has affected me to really care. I know what to do and will get off my butt, get down on my knees, and get going with my day. If I stay too long inside my head today, I know that it won't be good.
I'm grateful that my home group meets tonight. I need to get to a meeting. I need to know that there are others who also have their dark moments. And that there is always a way to get out of my head by accepting that I can't change anyone or anything except me. Even as I write this, I can feel my thinking becoming right again. Time to start this day over again now.