Friday, December 21, 2007


I didn't make the amends today because I discovered that we had been robbed.  Basically this is what happened.  The finish carpenter who did the trim work when the house was built has been working on the library cabinets and trim on and off for over a year.  He is a guy that we have known for over 15 years and who we trust.  He is an alcoholic who went dry (by white knuckling) and never went into AA.  He also has prostate cancer and has been getting treatment for that. 

Anyway, R. decided to bring his 14 year old grandson with him to help carry cut pieces of trim up and down the stairs and just generally have him along.  The kid is very quiet and shy.  They worked on the trim Thursday most of the day.  

Yesterday morning, I went up to the former master bedroom upstairs because the phone had been off the hook on Thursday when I called.  It was odd because it rang twice and then sounded as if someone had knocked the phone over. From then on I couldn't get anything but a busy signal.  When my wife got home, she found the phone off the hook and lying on the bed in the upstairs bedroom.  

The cat was with me and she was crying and ran into the passageway to the adjoining bathroom and closet area.  I looked and both doors to the closet were open which is odd.  When I switched on the light, the safe door was open and there were boxes of jewelry on the floor, some spilled over.  I called for my wife who came up and inventoried everything only to find that my mother's wedding ring, and three other rings that she inherited were missing.  The safe door had been shut but the dial not spun because my wife didn't want to look up the combination all the time. 

I knew that R. and his grandson were the only two people in the house yesterday.  I called R. and told him what happened.  He said that he was surprised but that his grandson couldn't have done that.  However, he called the grandson and talked to him.  The grandson denied it.  So I called the police.  Two officers came over, R. and the grandson and the step father of the kid came over.  The police took statements and got fingerprints off the safe.  

R. said that the kid cried when confronted.  He also tried to convince me that someone came down a mile long dirt road, sneaked in the house while they were hammering and sawing, went upstairs, took the phone off the hook and then opened the safe and took the rings.  I may be a believer but I didn't believe that cock and bull for a second.  

What bothers me the most is now I feel as if I can't trust this man.  I think that R. is covering for the kid.  The kid seemed absolutely flat emotionally.  He had four chances with the police to confess, with us saying that we wouldn't press charges if the rings are returned.  My wife and I just want our property back--we don't want revenge.  The kid never budged, never was indignant, just flat in affect.  I think that he did it, and that R. is covering for his grandson, probably telling him to not say anything.  Just a gut feeling that I have. 

Anyway, the police have turned this over to a detective since the value of all the rings was around $25+ thousand.  It's a felony.  The fingerprints are being analyzed.  My wife and I are trying to be positive and hoping that the property is returned.  I have my doubts.  The hardest thing for me is that I feel the loss of trust.  But I'm going to do my best to keep Christmas in my heart.  It's literally a moment to moment thing right now.  


  1. I hope you feel better soon Syd. I'm sure you are doing all the right things as usual.
    In the meantime this might help. it reminds me of a chapter in the book the new earth called the lost ring. It might help. who knows.

    From Echart Tolle p38 "The lost ring'. From the book The new earth. Also Track 13 and 14 Disc 1 of the same audio book.
    (Here are the questions echart asked the woman who had lost her ring and feared it was stolen.)

    "Instead of answering them now, see if you can find the answers within you. When an answer comes, it may not necessarily come in the form of words.
    Feel rather than think the answer.

    Do you realize that you will have to let go of the ring at some point? Perhaps quite soon?

    How much more time do you need before you will be ready to let go of it?

    Will you become less when you let go of it?

    Has who you are become diminished by the loss?"

    Regarding the loss of property.
    Be as gentle as doves but as wise as serpents. Spiritual openness does not mean being gullible. It is an alive appreciation of risk moment to moment, and actively engaged in minimizing risk.

    Who knows why this is happening the way it is. There will always be circumstances we do not welcome, but we have no option (if we are in enough pain) but to embrace. Im not saying its easy, but its doable.

    Regarding the loss of trust.
    In a sense the loss of an idea is not much different than the loss of physical property. You are being called upon to 'let go of an old idea.' the idea is that the old man could be counted upon to preserve your interests ahead of his son. This may not be the case. So dropping this idea, feels like a loss.
    It is also a painful reminder of the complexity of human relationships. That there is never just one agenda. But many. Not one allegiance, but many conflicting allegiances.
    I think you are grieving the loss of simplicity. The loss of a simple formula to guide you though life and relationships.
    I think the man does care for you, but I also think that the feeling he has for his son and his desire to protect him from the consequences of his actions seem more important to him now. Its a damage limitation exercise. Not a very good one. But its the best he can come up with.
    Humans are so fallible. Its a shame. Yes there are some deeply unconscious people out there.
    Its the loss of idealism that you are grieving I think.

  2. Dear Syd - - - First of all, Merry Christmas! I am so very sorry this challenge has come into your life; but, somehow 'this too, shall pass.'

    After reading the comment from Irish, there is nothing more to add. Irish has presented some very profound solutions to this problem. This reminds me that it's okay to present the pain in sharing, but more importantly, it's more healing to entertain a solution, then implement it! Thank you Irish!

    Good luck with this challenge, Syd.
    Love, Anonymous #1

  3. Very unfortunate.
    I hope this doesn't spoil the holidays for you and your wife. If the kid is guilty, he is already paying the price and may do so for a long time.

  4. I am so sorry for what happened, & what it's done to you, you violated, after all! I hope this doesn't take the Xmas spirit from you & your wife. Merry Xmas to you.

  5. i'm so sorry about what happened. i know how you feel. broken trust is bad, invasion of privacy even worse. i hope everything works out and by some (christmas?) miracle you get the rings back...

  6. That stinks Syd! I'm sorry for your loss because I do understand the loss of property that has emotional attachements. My kids broke a lamp that was my grandmothers during a pillow fight. It was the only thing I wanted of hers when asked. It just has all sorts of memories. We replaced the glass with a remarkable similar shade but it will never be the same. But now it holds different memories. I hope you get the rings back but if not I hope you are able to reconcile the loss both emotionally and financially. Dare I say my heart goes out to the boy as well. You're gut is probably right and he did it and if so what is going on there?

    Irish friend says it all in terms of learning from and dealing with the experience. Think I may need to get that book:) Peace.

  7. I remember my house being burgarlized many years ago and how yucky it felt.

    I'm so sorry for your losses

    Just stopped by to wish you Merry Christmas. Hope you can

  8. sorry for your loss, great sense of keeping it in the day and focussing on the solution

    Good luck!


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