Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A long drive

Today I drove to Duke Marine Lab for a meeting. Driving provides a time to think about lots of things including what I'm thankful for. I just have to look at the water and the full moon rising over it to feel grateful and awed by something greater than myself.

Even though I have meetings coming up that will keep me in a room for a couple of days, I feel much better than I did earlier in the week. I'm grateful for being able to set aside my self-will , ego and fears to become "receptive to a larger reality."

Dave asked about what it's like to have a slip in Al-Anon. In the past, a slip for me would leave me feeling really low. I would feel unfocused and often overwhelmed. And these feelings would come up mostly because of a feeling of rejection brought on by criticism or some other perceived slight. I would generally revert to the old way of thinking, feeling, and behaving. I would start obsessing over what I could do to change the situation. And this would happen even though I would realize that nothing I was doing was going to make a difference.

And I would look for a way to feel better by doing anything I could to find solace, trying to validate myself in some way. An alcoholic might get drunk but I would just be miserable and either throw myself into my work, physically exhaust myself through exercise or try to look for validation in other people.

This is a slip, and I know that it won't last forever. It's painful when it occurs, almost like a depression. But I have found that the days when I feel really low, are the time that I need to focus on recovery, get to a meeting and practice some positive affirmations. I know that I need to cut myself some slack and not expect things to go the way that I want them.

As I've read, "we can never judge where we will be tomorrow by where we are today."


  1. hey! that's quite a post... hope you feel better soon. fortunately nothing is permanent, or should that be unfortunately. i never know...

  2. thankfulness is a theme I'm reading today--

    thank you for being here Syd

    Yes, thank God I can leave yesterday in the past and live in today.

    Your definition of slip is one I can relate to

  3. well i find it impossible to fathom how non alcoholics put up with us, so I have nothing useful to add. i may not be drinking, but I can FAR too easily get stuck in my thinking and forget to LIVE. its just another aspect of alcoholic thinking, not like drinking, but i feel sorry for those without those mental tendencies that put up with my mindset.
    oh well.
    Hey this too shall pass syd. keep on keepin on. we have to TRY to live the best we can. no-matter whats happening. I know that, if not much else. the more joy we feel about life the more on track we are. well thats what I think. Im still riddled with negativity, but at least I have a small clue that that is the case, so i cant be a lost cause! we are ALL horribly imperfect. take comfort in that.

  4. Interesting post and explanation of an Al-Anon slip in your experience. Thank you for sharing it.


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