Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Telling my story

I'm going to tell my story at a meeting tonight. I don't think that it's a particular dramatic story. And maybe because of that, people will be able to identify with it. It's pretty much your run of the mill story of a person who has been affected by alcoholism for an entire life. I decided this time to focus more on the process of recovery through the steps. That to me is the real "meat and potatoes" of the program.

One of the interesting things that I ran across in my reading is a list of the primary characteristics of adult children of alcoholics. I found that I could identify with many of these:
  • Guessing at what normal behavior is--I never really knew what normal was, other than what I surmised from books.
  • Having difficulty following a project through from beginning to end--never had trouble with this.
  • Lying when it would be just as easy to tell the truth--not something that I did chronically
  • Judging themselves without mercy--oh yes...
  • Having difficulty having fun--I did have fun but also restricted the fun that I would have.
  • Taking themselves very seriously--definitely
  • Having difficulty with intimate relationships--sometimes
  • Overreacting to changes over which they have no control--I never liked changes
  • Constantly seeking approval and affirmation--definitely
  • Usually feeling that they are different from other people--all my life
  • Extreme responsibility or irresponsibility--mostly responsible to a fault
  • Extreme loyalty, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved--definitely
  • Impulsivity - tending to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess--I've been known to be impulsive at times.
From going back over my past, I can see that many of these characteristics were acquired during childhood. And add to that a long-term marriage to an alcoholic, it isn't hard to see how unmanageable my life was. It's now comforting to see as I think about my story just how far I've come. There's still a ways to go, but every day is a new opportunity to practice what I've learned.

9 comments:

  1. Dear Syd,
    Good luck in the telling of your story! I'm sure it will be superb - - - in reading your blog over this past year, you have come a long way in recovery, and it is a pleasure to observe your progress. Keep coming back!
    Love, Anonymous #1

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  2. that is an interesting list, one I will show my children.

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  3. In Alanon we are different yet the same. I do have trouble understanding when I go these meetings why someone would stay in a marriage to an alchoholic. However, I do not want to judge anyone. I feel my situation is different because with an addicted child, I cannot just decide I no longer will be his mother.

    I left my first husband...not due to alchoholism but I am on my second marriage. Honestly, if my husband started drinking too much would I really leave him? Years ago definitely yes. But now, with my whole future planned with him, loving him and wanting to be supportive....and he has been supportive of me with SO MANY THINGS....my problem children for one; my cancer for another....I could go on and on. Would I really leave him over it? I seriously doubt it.

    I can relate to many of the issues you listed:

    Having difficulty following a project through from beginning to end--BIG TIME. It makes me not want to try at all.

    Judging themselves without mercy--oh yes is right...to this day

    Taking themselves very seriously--yes

    Overreacting to changes over which they have no control--yes

    Constantly seeking approval and affirmation--big time, to this day. this is my biggest issue on the list.

    Usually feeling that they are different from other people--all my life...and my family even acts like i am

    Impulsivity - tending to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess--When I first read this one, I thought no, not impulsive in a bad way...until I thought of my issue with food. Unfortunately, this fits that problem to a tee

    I'm going to send this to my sister and show my husband. I can see him nodding his head already.

    Very interesting stuff, Syd. Thanks

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  4. i think that's going to be a good story. i can identify with a bunch of those things...

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  5. You gotta tell your story then syd, I still feel intense nervousness at having to speak at the front of a meeting, I am sure you will be excellent and confident though.
    Hey thanks for telling me what standard deviation is, I remember from my physics the famous bell shaped curves and that impossible analytic integral to find the area under it, that was a long long time ago!

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  6. I hope you had the wonderful experience that telling your story can be.

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  7. Syd,
    You'd make an excellent teacher. Thanks for taking us with you on the road to recovery.

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  8. Oh boy, I can answer yes to all of those. For me however, as an alcoholic, I looked for the artificial fun that alcohol brought and used alcohol as a mask for all of those charachterics. Thanks for sharing.

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