I've come to the conclusion that eventually if you stay in the program long enough, you'll have a "lightbulb" moment when you at last grasp what it means to be content with who you are. When you live in alcoholism for a long time, strange things happen. Generally, as co-dependents we lose the ability to feel, we don't know how to love or be loved, we don't know how to be truly intimate, and we don't enjoy the things in life that make it worth living.
After having worked the steps and listened at many meetings, I am finding that how I interact with people has changed. With my SO, I've found that we each work on our recovery, and although we may not be on the same page, we are changing as individuals and as a couple. I've learned to trust her. And with that trust has come an ease of tenseness. I've learned to enjoy our independence. We can spend lots of time apart without the other one getting upset. But we also make sure we spend time together, even if it's just reading or sitting in the same room together.
The light bulb moments or clarity of thought all lead to one thing, change. I can tell that my interactions with others have changed. I'm much more accepting of them. It is a great feeling of freedom to know that I can't change them. It seemed like it has taken a long time to come to me, but I can feel the changes in me and know that my moments of clear thinking are occurring more and more often.