Friday, August 8, 2008

Making a list and amends


In Step 8, I had to make a list of the people I'd harmed. The guiding rule for this step has to be that they were harmed. But I've also read that they have to know that I've hurt them. If I made amends in Step 9 to someone I'd hurt in ways that they didn't know, then I would be harming them by trying to make amends. I think that the exception to this would be theft. But a basic thought in making amends is to do no harm.

In making amends, I have had to feel that the time was right. I needed to have some spiritual peace about making the amends. It's not something to rush into just for the need to get it done. Also, I didn't need to be too specific. The people I’ve harmed have a good idea of how I hurt them. There was no reason to hurt them all over again by dredging up the past. I needed to say that I know that I've hurt them. The most important thing I did when making an amend was to shut up and let the other person say what they needed to say. I had to be prepared to hear what they had to say.

The amends process is really about my healing. I hope that it helps the other person to heal but I can't make that happen. But it also isn't about my getting out of a jam--it's about my changing a behavior. I can only do that if I pray.

Helping the other person heal is a secondary gain of the amend. In order to get better, we have to follow up the consequences of our disease in the lives of other people. The Ninth Step is a step of faith-building and faith-developing. I had to go on faith because I didn't know how my amends would be taken with a couple of people. But whether they accept the amends or not, I felt prepared at the time because of being okay with myself and with my HP.

10 comments:

  1. Daughter of the KingAugust 8, 2008 at 6:59 AM

    wow patrick, you are about as un Christ like as anything I have ever encountered.

    ReplyDelete
  2. that is one major step that step 8!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey darlin' it's me - OINK OINK -ouch my lieing butt is on fire in hell - HA HA HA HA HA HA
    I still have a couple of items on my Step 8 list that I made many years ago. I'm waiting for God to present the person in my life. I have no dread about it though, I trust the process.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Making Amends, I have still got a few on my list I aint seen yet, they say when the time is right my HP will arrange for us to meet.
    Do you still do steps 8&9 in Al Anon then?

    ReplyDelete
  5. sorry syd, I saw all the stupid comment that the devil had sent you and was still sending you, so I thought I'd comment. Feel free to delete my comments if you like :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I wish you the best of luck in thsi step - you can do this! Cat

    ReplyDelete
  7. Syd, IMO (humble? maybe.) you have got a genuine understanding of this step, and whoever reads 8-8-08 blog will either begin to 'get it' or renew their knowing what it's about and what it is not about.

    Thank you for your enlightening share on this Step 8...SO important to our continuing growth along spiritual lines.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This step really scares me, Syd.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hey Syd, congrats on 2 years! Funny--my homegroup was on Step 8 last night and I chaired. I wish I would have read your post 1st. Food for thought and good sharing for a meeting. I agree--when I am willing to make the amends, I let go and let God arrange the timing. Has worked for me and I've seen some amazing miracles because of these 2 steps. Namaste...Kim

    ReplyDelete
  10. you were so, so very close. the riddle? the answer is 'no' (since there is no answer) in answer to the last line 'can you guess the riddle?' (which you answered!!!). apparently, 97% of harvard graduates got this wrong. 84% of pre-school kids got it right!!!! something to be said about childlike thinking...

    ReplyDelete

Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.