I don't know if I could still live with active alcoholism. I was thinking about this yesterday as I watched how happy my loved one is. And so I thought about how much I love her, but I questioned whether I could live with her drinking again. And the answer is: I don't know.
Those years were tumultuous. And even though I feel at peace much of the time, I know that the anxiety of being around someone who is actively drinking would tear at me. I hear it talked about in meetings: the pain and the sadness of living with active alcoholism. I listen but did I really hear what they were saying? Maybe I was stuck in my smugness thinking that it won't happen with us. But the alcoholic is only one drink away from disaster.
Even though I practice the program and know about detachment, it's still hard for me to envision detaching sufficiently to remain in an alcoholic relationship. Why am I thinking about this today? I don't actually know, other than my inventory is telling me that I feel anxious, like a shoe is about to fall. Maybe it's seeing the contrast of a happy person who is sober and thinking back to those unhappy times when alcohol was in charge. God, I don't want to go there ever again.