Those times when I display anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, bitterness, self-pity and a host of other character defects still come up. Yet, most of the time I don't put that face forward to the world. I'm still a self-controlled person. It's hard to shake that part of me.
I'm not one for great public displays of my inner turmoil. I think that in meetings and talks with my Al-Anon friends I reveal most of myself--the real me, the raw me. And through that raw honesty and the acceptance I've received, I've found myself being calmer and more able to not be filled with anxiety in my daily life.
It reminds me of the slogan to "Fake it til you make it". But I feel less and less like I'm faking it now. The calmness that I feel is welling up from a resource within me. And I'm simply marveling at being able to remain calm and implacable in the affairs of life. Maybe this is what recovery feels like.