Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The lonely bones

Once upon a time there was a lovely child born to a upstanding family in a beautiful town by the sea. The family welcomed the birth of their daughter with much joy. And they watched as the child grew, having much anticipation of a wonderful life that lay ahead for their daughter.

The child grew into a beautiful young woman with auburn hair and blue eyes. She was a precocious, strong-willed person. But she had a fragile center. She identified with animals, talking to them and giving them special names. They seemed to have a special affinity for her. Maybe they detected an inward innocence and kindness that drew each to the other.

She enjoyed life in the old city where her house overlooked the water. There was always plenty to do and yet down inside there was a certain fragility that was hidden by the healthy and energetic persona.

The young woman went away to school. She learned to love languages and the way that the words tripped off her tongue. She became multi-lingual and enjoying traveling to far away places where she could practice her language skills.

She also had a love of poetry and writing. Poetry touched that deep sad place within her. Writing allowed her to express her feelings and thoughts. Some of the thoughts were pleasant and she remembered special trips with her family and friends. But other thoughts were dark and full of self-doubt. There were days when she despaired.

Somehow along the way, she decided that the pressures of school were too much. She sought solace in drugs and alcohol. At first, she liked the way that she felt. Gradually though the old feelings of self-doubt would return. She dropped out of school and returned home to the house overlooking the water, hoping to keep the demons in her head at bay.

It seemed that things would go okay for a while and then the old feelings of uncertainly and inadequacy would return. Home was nice and safe, but the pull of her addiction was stronger. She started to hang out with people who didn't have her best interests at heart. Her cravings fueled an addiction that opened up a desolate landscape in her mind where nothing but self-loathing lived.

She wanted to break away from the predators who fed her habit. She decided during the lazy days of early June to get away from the predators and their drugs that were poisoning her. This was a hard thing to do because their grip was strong. But she was also strong and had a renewed will to live and have joy and peace in her life.

The predators had other ideas though. And as predators do, they turned on their prey and killed her. Her lifeless body was dumped among pine trees and brush.

Her parents became frantic with worry because they hadn't heard from their daughter. They held vigils, called her cell phone over and over, hired investigators, had searches done--all to no avail.

Summer turned to early fall and the golden rod and pretty wildflowers covered the ground. The young woman who was so graceful and strong at one time lay amongst them, now only a skeleton.

Her parents held onto a spark of hope. They wanted their daughter to be home and safe. They thought that they could hear her voice calling to them. They feared the worst and clung to each other.

Her lonely bones were resting not so many miles away with the whispering of the pine trees and the night voices of frogs and crickets as her only company. The falling of gentle rain felt like God's tears. Her spirit hovered in sadness. She too wanted to go home.

Dedicated to those who died in drug related violence and who are still missing.

PS: the lonely bones were found two days ago on the island where I live. The death/homicide is under investigation.


  1. Good voice in this piece, for all those who are forever silent.

  2. this gives me gratitude, and hope for my life.
    i saw myself in this girl, how lucky i am to be clean today.
    i remember one day, close to the last day i used, i woke up in a hotel room with paramedics all around me.
    the cleaning lady thought i was dead, so did the hotel manager, they called the cops and reported a dead body, i was the dead body.
    i didn't remember who i was or where i was or even that i had a little girl somewhere wondering where i was.
    i remember that day and that feeling, i could be that girl in the story.
    by the grace of God, go I.
    great post.

  3. A woman my age has a son who is going through the jail/probation/halfwayhouse/binge/jail/etc.. She came to a meeting the other night and said at least in jail, she could sleep knowing he was safe. In Alanon, we learn to look hard and deep for a positive--- I never forget those parents who are struggling without Alanon. THAT is why I go when I don't want to..


  4. Syd. You are a talented writer and I really liked this post. I hope you do more of this. jeNN

  5. Very poetic Syd. Sorry to hear that there was some real truth to the story in the end. It is so hard when our loved ones go missing, and even harder when we get the closure sometimes.

  6. Your writing always touches me, you have such a great way of putting it all out there! Powerfully sad post.

  7. Many people end up there. It's a perspective to which I need to pay attention.

  8. The Bib Book, in the chapter to the Employer, calls us brilliant. We do possess a special brilliance, which turns into a secretive sadness, which turns into a life spent medicating, trying to silence the demons in our heads. At that point we've crossed the invisible line, and only an act of God can save us.
    A sad story,Syd.

  9. An all too familiar story Syd. Made more intense being so close to home.

  10. this is such a terrible disease that brings destruction to all in its wake. peace to that young woman and her family

  11. Really enjoyed your ability to tell a good story

  12. Syd, this post reminded me of how often I see death as a result of drug abuse/violence. It also reminded me of a good friend who was in similar circumstances. She was found lying face down in a grassy ditch, her throat slit open. I have visited your site here several times during the past few days, and have learned so much about addiction and recovery. You are an excellent writer. Thanks for sharing your story. Call me DD :)

  13. how easily this can happen... sad. so sad...

  14. I recently lost a tooth (years of meth use really do take a toll), and people around me were much more upset than I was. I was in so many dire and dangerous situations over the years of my active addiction, that I am amazed most every day to be free to walk around with my health. This story is a fresh reminder of how much more gratitude I should have.

  15. prayers for the family, for the struggling and sick and suffering and the souls of the departed...

  16. It is really sad, I'm glad the family can have some closure, but I'm sorry that another person had to die in order that we should keep carrying the message that we live to help others not to suffer that fate because of drugs and alcohol.

  17. so sad and happens way way to often.

  18. Breathtaking, Heartrending reality my friend. I had tears falling for the young woman, knowing without a doubt how very close that came to be being me.

    Sometimes I'm in awe the miracle that keeps me here and now safe. (Hugs)Indigo

  19. How sad and what a needless waste of a life :0(


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