Friday, October 16, 2009


I watched the movie "Requiem for a Dream" last night. It was one of those flicks that made me feel as if I were watching a car wreck--I wanted to not watch but couldn't take my eyes away.

It's a story about addiction and what happens to those who get hooked. In this case, a mother and her son and his two friends are the ones who go down the path to insanity, sickness, and depravity. The outcome is predictable as one watches the horror of addiction take hold.

I have read books about what addiction is like from the standpoint of the addict/alcoholic, but I don't think the words quite have the impact that the visual does. I just thank God that I never went down that path.

I felt disturbed, vulnerable and sad after watching this movie. I think that it's ultimately about loneliness which is a definite trigger for me. One reviewer wrote: "Even when dreams are shared, they can fail to materialise; even when relationships are strong, they can wear out; even when the mind is unflinching, it can give way to doubts. When one is young one is awed by the power of the youth and takes pride in it; when one is old, one dreams of the power of youth and takes refuge in it. Both are so misconceived, so misplaced. The only thing that the young and the old have in common is the power to dream… dream for the future… dreams that can wither out and die, uncherished, unrealised, unlived." Heavy stuff.

So I am grateful today for:

  • Not feeling alone but part of so much
  • Not having ever acted out my destructive thoughts towards myself
  • Getting a lot of good food cooked for a friend's birthday (natal) tomorrow
  • A breath of cooler air that has come in on some NE winds
  • That it's Friday and the weekend is ahead.


  1. 'the only thing we have is the power to dream' that is actually very positive i think. i don't know how it relates to the movie, but by itself i like it... as for movies like that (i haven't seen that one specifically), i understand your emotions. i've seen movies where i walk away, completely deflated, i think is the best way to describe it. thanks for the post!

  2. What a wonderful list!

    I think I'm going to have to watch that movie.

  3. That movie is INTENSE!! Great list, Syd.

  4. i cannot watch movies or shows about addiction, makes my arms hurt, seriously. wes wanted me to watch this one called Trainspotting, oh my gosh, there was nothing but shooting up and all the wonderful stuff that goes with it, then there was this horrible scene where the female addict woke up and found her little baby dead because they were too busy getting high so they ignored the baby, who by the way was in every scene, i made him turn it off.
    I cried and cried and I will not watch movies like that because i was that way, thank god I am not any more. for that i am grateful. great gratitude list!!

  5. syd, I do believe what I admire about you aside from your general smarts, perfect spelling and absolute dead on word selections in your post is this: You always find the most simple things to enjoy. I have always been connected if you will to the earth ( could be my bloodlines or just my state of mind-who knows - don't care). A wind is so much more than what it seems and you are grateful to have the nip on your nose. Brava!! never forget the simple things. Good to be back one day at a time. :) Tammy

  6. powerful indeed. I have never seen this, maybe some day when I need to fill in a bluemood I will.

    Wishing you a happy weekend!

  7. The movie - heavy!

    Your gratitude list - light!


  8. It is about time for us to see a movie together. Prayer Girl will have to choose--I do not keep up with that stuff any more.


  9. I'm thankful you didn't trudge down that road to despair and hopelessness. Your gratitude list made me smile. We're still practcing hope and patience here. Read about it tomorrow before the birthday party, if I can get up that early. You're a winner, Syd.

  10. Glad you never acted out your destructive thoughts. That was one thing I did. Felt like the only way to feel better was to "punish" myself. That lead me even deeper into my alcoholism.

    Thanks for reminding me I am past all of that.

    Thanks for your post.

  11. Like clean and crazy said, I don't need reminders.

    I'm grateful for a weekend away at a small town AA round up and visiting a friend who is in dire straits health wise.

  12. I think I am going to watch that movie. Movies like that remind me of where I once was, or make me grateful that I was never THAT bad. Either one is good at keeping me sober.

    Thank you for your continued support! I always appreciate your comments.

  13. It is so odd what feelings movies can elicit in us. Whenever I go out into the night after watching an episode of Dexter the world seems so dark and interesting.

  14. Requiem is a hard movie to watch, but a good one never-the-less. My son loves it, which scares me.


  16. PS I remember the reviews for that, The Name of The Rose, and several others now considered classics of their kind... even the BBC's top man Barry Normal/sorry Norman hadn't a clue of the true significance of what he was watching,

    ...know what I mean..?

  17. I feel a need to watch that movie....I so want to get into the 'mind'. I'm not sure it will answer my questions but I feel I can never 'move on' or let go without at least trying everything I can to understand. I like your list. I have started doing gratitude lists but they are still so superficial....I'm struggling to let go. Your posts are beautiful.

  18. I can't find the words to express my gratitude you shared such a post,Syd.Addiction is dark but not hopeless.Addictions have stolen many bright spirits from my life but their deaths inspired me to share hope for others.Our blogging does that too..Every little bit of compassion does.


Let me know what you think. I like reading what you have to say.