Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Nothing to give
I made it to Newport. My hotel room window overlooks the water and many sailboats. I passed the Newport Shipyard on my way. There were some awesome boats there. I hope to walk over to see some during lunch.
I have to say that learning that someone has nothing to give is a hard dose of reality. After inventorying the situation, I can see that I was pretending the person was someone other than who they really are. I was negotiating with reality.
I know that people have all manner of character defects as do I. Once again I'm reminded that there is nothing that I can do about another's reality. However, the one thing that I don't have to do is deny it. I realize this particular friend is destructive. I just have to let him be who he is. I have wondered for some time whether he was capable of trust. Now I realize that I knew the answer in my gut for a long time.
I like that I have compassion but that I take care of myself and face the reality of our friendship. I realize that an addictive personality can include things other than alcohol. But I don't have to be involved in his sickness or secrets. I have decided, just as I knew all along, that this doesn't have my name on it.
For too many years, I have been a good friend. Now it's time for me to be a good friend to myself and take my own best interests into account. I like how the program has taught me that my choice is to set others free to be whatever they choose. And in letting them go, I also become free.