Monday, February 1, 2010
I am glad to have gotten a good night's sleep last night, although once again I stayed up too late to read the newspaper. It's going to be a rather long work week for me. In addition to my work, I have two evening Al-Anon meetings, a couple of noon meetings, and three sponsee meetings.
I saw one of my sponsees at the oyster roast yesterday. He was walking beside one of his children who was on a pony ride. He looked happy and the child looked much less than serene on the back of a pony. I can remember my first pony ride. I was thrilled for the ride but as I was lifted to the back of the pony, the man burned my arm with a cigarette he had in his mouth. I never made a sound because even at that young age, I was holding back my pain and not wanting to call attention to myself. I still remember looking down at the burn spot on my arm, trying to stifle tears and still enjoy the pony ride.
It's amazing how much I stifled my feelings, being afraid that I would make someone angry. I still have a lot of stoicism, but I am working on expressing my feelings more freely. It takes time to let those old behaviors go once they have taken root. I am grateful that these memories, although painful, have helped raise my awareness.