Monday, February 1, 2010

Taking root

I'm at a conference today on invasive plant species.  A group of us organized this conference because of concerns over plants being brought in by garden centers that are non-native for this area.  We are trying to raise awareness among nursery managers, foresters, and land managers about the issue.  It is difficult to remove invasive species once they have established a foothold in the area.

I am glad to have gotten a good night's sleep last night, although once again I stayed up too late to read the newspaper.  It's going to be a rather long work week for me.  In addition to my work, I have two evening Al-Anon meetings, a couple of noon meetings, and three sponsee meetings. 

I saw one of my sponsees at the oyster roast yesterday. He was walking beside one of his children who was on a pony ride.  He looked happy and the child looked much less than serene on the back of a pony.  I can remember my first pony ride.  I was thrilled for the ride but as I was lifted to the back of the pony, the man burned my arm with a cigarette he had in his mouth.  I never made a sound because even at that young age, I was holding back my pain and not wanting to call attention to myself.  I still remember looking down at the burn spot on my arm, trying to stifle tears and still enjoy the pony ride.

It's amazing how much I stifled my feelings, being afraid that I would make someone angry.  I still have a lot of stoicism, but I am working on expressing my feelings more freely. It takes time to let those old behaviors go once they have taken root.  I am grateful that these memories, although painful, have helped raise my awareness. 

17 comments:

  1. I have a picture of my oldest son at 2 years old on his first and last pony ride. His face is so sad and I always wondered if that was due to the pony ride or the problems in our home. I think I will ask him what he remembers. You have a busy week...I hope you have some downtime too.

    namaste

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  2. Good story...I remember being put on a pony and being scared to death too. What is up with adults, thinking a child would like that!

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  3. non native plants can become a real nightmare.thanks for bring that up.

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  4. Stoic, uncomplaining, trying to fade into the background and still get some needs met - a sad little vignette of childhood with an alcoholic parent.

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  5. I liked your story. I got knocked out by a runaway pony-ride pony when I was a tot. Traumatized for life, I was.

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  6. That makes me sad about the cigarette burn, Syd. You poor kid.

    Love,

    SB

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  7. Funny how seeing something so simple can trigger so much. Glad you were able not only to see where you have been, but the healthy direction you are heading towards as well.

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  8. Darn, an adult with a cigarette hanging from their mouth and trying to lift a child. The two do not go together, not at home and not in a park or anywhere. Interesting that you have the memory of what you were feeling at the time and knew you needed to behave in a certain manner. Just darn.

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  9. I came over from Madison's blog to say Hi. I am so sorry for what that adult did to you. What was he thinking. I have had trouble in the past with feelings. God has been helping me "thaw out" my emotions. For a long time I never had a voice either. Nice to meet you. :)

    Blessings,
    Tammy

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  10. I'm so sorry Syd that you had to keep your tears to yourself.

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  11. It's funny how simple events can trigger childhood memories. My sister got burned by a man with a cig once on a train and she screamed like hell! I wonder if she remembers? I still remember the screaming.

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  12. Of course the first thing that came to my mind was the invasion of Kudzu. I'm glad you and others are adressing the problem.

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  13. I took a biology course where the instructor used kudzu as a "case study" throughout the course of the unexpected consequences of our actions. I think it can be applied to almost any action we take....

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  14. Sometimes I think we're more alike than different. Thank you for sharing. I learn a great deal from your sharing of your experiences and thoughts around ponies, plants and life.

    Blessings and aloha...

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  15. That story about the cigarette burn is heartbreaking. I am glad you can let the tears out now. There's more room out than in.

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  16. i have often wondered why, even as a child, i would naturally keep quiet, hide what's wrong, not ask questions. and i still don't have an answer for that. do you?

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  17. Wow - that's crazy - my daughter used to have that exact same jacket and that girl looks a lot like my daughter not too long ago...

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