I have a bad case of spring fever today. Yesterday it was in the mid 70's. My fever started then. I looked out the window at the view I have seen for all these working years. It is a million dollar view no doubt. And it made me yearn to be outside. It made me yearn to have an ignited spirit that this week has been struggling.
Here is the crux of the matter: I feel like I am an outsider at work. I am tending to isolate because I no longer feel part of the team. Colleagues are working on new projects and I am dumping my files off my computer to the server. My mental exodus has begun. And now I am starting the physical act of leaving behind my career of all these years.
I am not complaining because I knew from others who have already left, including C., that we outstay our usefulness at the end. Still it is painful. I would like to be a part of but am feeling left out. It is a familiar feeling that I have had before during times in life. Yet I am the one who withdraws and isolates. I feel in between so I freeze. Perhaps I need a mental health day.
So I am doing that today. I took a day of personal leave to regroup my spirit. I am hoping that will help me to go back on Monday with a goal to be of maximum usefulness to others--at work and in my life in general.
I know that this is a gloomy post. But an amazing transformation occurs when I am on the boat. Maybe that tells me everything I need to know in a simple sentence.