I have a bad case of spring fever today. Yesterday it was in the mid 70's. My fever started then. I looked out the window at the view I have seen for all these working years. It is a million dollar view no doubt. And it made me yearn to be outside. It made me yearn to have an ignited spirit that this week has been struggling.
Here is the crux of the matter: I feel like I am an outsider at work. I am tending to isolate because I no longer feel part of the team. Colleagues are working on new projects and I am dumping my files off my computer to the server. My mental exodus has begun. And now I am starting the physical act of leaving behind my career of all these years.
I am not complaining because I knew from others who have already left, including C., that we outstay our usefulness at the end. Still it is painful. I would like to be a part of but am feeling left out. It is a familiar feeling that I have had before during times in life. Yet I am the one who withdraws and isolates. I feel in between so I freeze. Perhaps I need a mental health day.
So I am doing that today. I took a day of personal leave to regroup my spirit. I am hoping that will help me to go back on Monday with a goal to be of maximum usefulness to others--at work and in my life in general.
I know that this is a gloomy post. But an amazing transformation occurs when I am on the boat. Maybe that tells me everything I need to know in a simple sentence.
Syd, I did the same thing when I left, it was a weird feeling. But, it is a beginning. They are in just as much a weird place as you. Have a great personal day.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a great weekend to lift and refresh your spirit. I could use a mental health day, too.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it, Syd.
Perhaps your HP is already leading you to this new phase of life where you will find contentment, happiness, peace, acceptance, and fulfillment....on your boat and on the water whenever you have the urge to go. I hope your time away provides you the answers or healing you need today. ~Susan
ReplyDeleteI hope you experience a wonderful transformation. I too, know that feeling of not being part of and feeling useless...but for entirely different reasons. I'm recovery from surgery, two actually, and I finally realize that I am forgotten by most - makes a person sad I suppose...so I just write and play music as that is where my transformation happens. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteI love how you honestly address your feelings and then deal with them in such a peaceful, spiritual way. A day on the boat with God sounds like an excellent cure for spring fever.
ReplyDeleteI think that you are in a transition space between one door closing and one door opening -- a space full of possibilities....
ReplyDeleteA great weekend to you.
yesterday i mowed my lawn. it helped my spirit to be out in the world out of the house in the sun and smelling the sweet smell of mowed grass.
ReplyDeletei too have been struggling i am trying to control and don't know why other than fear. i am afraid today.
i get this way from time to time, i am heading to a convention, i know it will help
Glad you have the opportunity to get away from it. I think you've just got to live with it a little while and see where it leads. I suspect it's some place a lot better than how you feel right now. Have a great weekend!
ReplyDeleteYou have short timer sickness. Hope you make it to your last day.
ReplyDeleteIs that the view that you see, Syd, when you look out your window? It is almost surreal. I hope your sojourn on the boat will do the trick for you.
ReplyDeleteChange is so hard for me because it involves fear of the unknown and a sense of powerlessness that my disease tells me shouldn't be there. Somedays I wish my disease had a human body so I could kick it's butt! Other days, I see it sitting over there in the corner mocking me and I just look at it with acceptance and tolerance and turn the other way and walk towards God. I hope you enjoy your day, Syd.
ReplyDeleteI like knowing about your good and and not so good days. You are a real live person with a real live life, having real live feelings. Thanks for sharing that with us, and best wishes on the boat...the view of course is amazing.
ReplyDeleteBeen through exactly this and I hope I never have to do that sort of transition again (cleaned out my desk after ~19 years). The only advice I offer (and I think I've written you this before) is that you definitely NOT clean out your desk and leave for the last time when no one is there. I did that in my case on a Sunday evening and it could have cost my my sobriety.
ReplyDeleteThis, too, shall pass.
Blessings and aloha...
Wishing you a peaceful weekend and lifted spirits!
ReplyDeleteI still dream of my short few years living on a houseboat...well, a scow with a refrig, toilet and engine, generator--hey! it wasn't bad at ALL
ReplyDeleteAt my job in downtown Cincinnati back then, I used to actually feel SORRY for those who had to go somewhere other than the river, after work.
Syd, retirement--if yours is like the one I know--will be SO busy, you will wish you did not have to sleep--well, maybe YOU would not wish that--grin!
PEACE!
I too took a mental health day off today. Worked at home, but mainly rested. I felt my body exhausted so I needed to care especially for me. Well done, Syd. This too shall pass, dont forget!
ReplyDeletePS..thank you for your lovely comments on my blog about Jackson's scholarship. Thanks for your always being so supportive :)
SUCH IS LIFE!!!
ReplyDeletePG
I can't think of a more perfect view to inspire a mental health day. (Hugs)Indigo
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