Tuesday, April 27, 2010

What am I entitled to?

I was talking with a friend about the "sense of entitlement" that seems to permeate a lot of society today.  It's the narcissistic ego that tends to think that the world "owes" them something, and they intend to collect as soon as possible. Maybe you know someone who always wants more. Or who doesn't seem to appreciate what has been done.  There is no gratitude, no thanks.  These are the people who simply expect that they are the center of my world at all times.

I can remember my dad telling me that I was never satisfied.  I think that I was one of the kids who wanted something more, always searching for what I couldn't have.  I asked for a pony for years, and finally we got a dog that I loved.  The pony wish kept going until I had my own horse.  But I do remember being told not to whine or to pester.  My father didn't tolerate whining.  So perhaps that constrained the sense of entitlement to deserve what I want when I wanted it. 

I have worked for the things that I've achieved.  I never saw a different way.  There was no sense that I deserved something other than what I was working toward.  When it comes to my dealings with others, the whole sense of entitlement is a bit trickier.  With people I hold as acquaintances, I find that they deserve to be treated as I would like to be treated.  I see no point in being impatient or rude.  Instead I think that having compassion and humility are what help me to have a healthy and balanced sense of what I have and who I am. 

But I have also had an unhealthy sense of entitlement.  I have tried to control the alcoholics in my life so that they would do what I said.  That was because I thought I knew better than they did.  I also wanted them to shower me with affection when I didn't really show much affection to them.  Instead, I was filled with resentment.  I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it. 

I'm glad to now have humility and to be grateful for what I have.  I receive many chances through God's grace to be a better person with the right sense of entitlement. I do believe that as long as I am able to love and respect myself then it is more likely that those things will be returned to me.

21 comments:

  1. I know many people who feel that they are "entitled" or need their "fair share". It's a lonely rainbow to chase. I am grateful that I am learning humility, and I am amazed at how much there is to be grateful for in each day. These are two traits that keep you grounded. They make you look for something more in what you already have, rather than wishing for something you think you need to have.

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  2. If I want love, respect and kindness for myself, I must be willing to give it.
    Great post.

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  3. My sponsor is always willing to give me a big dose of "you are unique, just like everyone else" when I get a bit too sensitive, ego driven or just plain whiny. My humor helps me too, to not take myself or other so seriously. I try to see them as where I used to be. Afraid, defensive, scared and with no self-esteem but a huge ego. I am entitled to love and be loved. I get what I give. It all starts with me.

    ♥namaste♥

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  4. I wasn't able to leave a comment yesterday, but would like to say that I am glad that you enjoyed your retirement party and that you were left with good memories.

    As always your post has given me a lot to think about. It is coincidence that your thoughts have helped me to look at a situation in a different light or is it my Higher Power working through you today?

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  5. I was about eleven when my father threw up in the car again and when we got home I yelled at him that this time he had to clean it up himself or I wasn't going to speak to him ever again. Normally yelling at him would have resulted in a spanking. Not that time. He eventually did clean it up himself. He always came and went, gone for weeks at a time often, but after that day he left and never returned. Emotionally it was a good thing but financially it was something my mother could not handle so she was in her room with the door shut for days on end. At least that was the beginning of a change. Our father was blind, did not work most of the time, we did not have money, but he smoked and drank and had new things. I was so angry at him and he and I never talked. After growing up seeing how some people are selfish like that, I spent years turned off to anyone who lived like we all just were here to serve them. Now after working the steps I take care of my side of the street and have compassion for others that I could not have understood before. I like this post very much.

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  6. And then there are some who feel that they deserve nothing.

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  7. well said Syd...gratitude helps me remember what I have now...and what I didn't before..the important things...peace, friends, family,. Stay strong. Sarah

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  8. Hi Syd. Glad to be back reading your post. Great as always.

    PG

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  9. Beautifully written. I'm very happy that you made the difference between what we want and what people "owe" us clear.

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  10. Thanks for the reminder Syd. I love your blog and get so much from your posts and your comments on my blog as well.

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  11. In the indigent burial job I see a people who are accustomed to, and expect the government to take care of their lives and death. This is not a political statement. It's an expectation I experience from others occasionally. Yes, some do need help, and we help them. Others who have the means, the cars, the house, the land, the family are obligated to take care of their own and we don't help them. Compassionately I encourage people: you can, you should, you will feel good about yourself later. My favorite line: "Complete the circle". Amazingly they find a way.

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  12. you know i grew up with a sense of undeserving in a home of people completely entitled.

    i am learning balance today in humility and what my needs and wants are.

    it is hard to teach my children to not feel like they are owed something. my oldest does not have a cell phone, does not get new shoes every year, does not have a car or motor scooter and at christmas time, she is so excited to get a pair of boots or pants or a damn ticket to the new moon movie.

    we don't go out to movies at the cost of them we only rent on netfilx which is far cheaper block buster, we do not subscribe to cable or satellite tv and we don't have credit card debt, in fact we use cash for our purchases today, we choose not to give those companies one thin dime.

    i am grateful to know what i need and what i want, there is a difference and if i am unsure of them i think to myself, 'what would suze orman say?'

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  13. I too see this attitude and it's disturbing to say the least.

    I too used to live in this attitude of entitlement and it didn't really work out well in the end lol.

    Today I believe in ym heart of hearts that I am h ere to serve God and those around me. I owe, for all the taking I've done.

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  14. Ive tried to control everything in my life to make all do what I wanted - or to try to submit to everyone in my life to try to get them to love me the way I wanted.

    I'm glad the balance is happening as I do the next thing in front of me with God in mind :)

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  15. Be well Syd and never consider getting from others the things you must first give your self. Respect being the first thing.

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  16. There is so much in your post to ponder and then I read all the comments... I needed a meeting today! Thanks.

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  17. A sober friend and I were discussing entitlement last night. Another friend of ours keeps getting drunk because she resents the hell out of everyone who has what she feels she deserves but she's been denied. I was trained to work for what I wanted. I earned my privileges. Hell, I had to earn love, too, and that was a little sad. But at least resentment doesn't keep me drunk!

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  18. This post is a valuable reminder, Syd. I know I have certainly felt entitled in my life. Instead, I should cultivate gratitude for what I already have, which is a lot.

    Love,

    SB

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  19. To wake up every morning and not step in a fur/hair ball. Everything else is , as the Raymond Carver poem said, Gravy. It's so clear it is gravy once I got sober.

    Thank you for this Syd,. and Thank you for the comments you made last night on my blog.

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  20. You're dealing with some stuff here that is both personal (I identify with both sides) and troubling (I feel our whole society and culture is crumbling, in part, because of this). My whole life is devoted of the struggle to attain the humility that affords the solution. I have concern for our society and culture but seem only to be able to affect myself.

    Blessings and aloha...

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  21. I feel just fine now... I appreciate all that I have read... and can relate to many a comment.. I will be returning to view again and again.... I know this.. that's why I feel just fine now.. Thankyou all.. God Bless...

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