Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Horror movies

I used to watch scary movies when I was a kid.  Frankenstein, Dracula, the Mummy, the Werewolf were my favorites.  Every weekend I couldn't wait to see what new terrifying stuff would come on "Shock Theater".

There was the kind of love/hate relationship with the horror movies though.  That's because in the evenings I would have to go upstairs to my room and somehow manage to make it into the big old four-poster bed without having my ankle grabbed by an imaginary monster that lurked underneath.  I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I summoned up the courage to get a running start and then leap into the bed.  I would then lie still in the middle of the bed, hardly breathing,  with both arms and legs held as tight as possible to my body.  Eventually I would manage to get to sleep and wake in the morning to find that I had survived to greet another day.

I don't watch horror movies much anymore.  The old classics will occasionally come on and I will see Bela Lugosi say "I vant your blood" and laugh.  Or I might see Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's monster and feel sorry for the pitiful creature who really wanted to be loved.  These movies aren't scary to me now.

The fears that I have today are ones that often are more imaginary than those from childhood.  Thoughts about losing my loved ones, having my wife start drinking again, and other such projections clearly indicate that I am making a horror movie in my head.  I have learned that I don't have to be rigid with fear about what might happen.  I can turn these fears over and trust in a Higher Power that I'll make it through another day.   And the old four poster bed that used to conceal the monsters under its dust ruffle simply stands in an upstairs bed room looking comfortable and beckoning me to nestle beneath the duvet and sleep soundly.

12 comments:

  1. yeah i hear you...mine hav to do with something happening to my family...could not stand it...but i have to give that up or i would go crazy...

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  2. Sobriety is one long reality check -- and the imaginary fears slowly fade.

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  3. sometimes its hard to wrap my brain around the idea that I am full of fear but the Real Truth is I am. Who knew? I was always forging ahead. Now I don't have to forge ahead. I can patiently and thoughtfully proceed and sometimes that means doing nothing and sometimes it means taking an action while my stomach does flip flops. The difference is I have a level of Trust today. A Knowing that whatever happens, it will be fine. xo

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  4. i used to love watching ELvira on saturdays, she would play movies like "Attack of the killer tomatoes" and other nonsense movies...
    i used to get scared too, i don't watch those today either and i am so not interested in todays horror flicks.

    my fears are those of something is going to happen to my children, the ones i don't deserve, or my honey will wake up one day and leave the phsyco laying next to him, i am learning though, through therapy that i have a negative self image and that is why these fears are so dominant. even if i turn it over i still feel it is going to happen. i think therapy will help a lot for my fears, i can turn my faith over in that department, mostly because this is new and i never tried this before. so while my fears are dominant, i still have faith in something tangible that can help me conquer those fears, and i no longer have to feel like everyone is saying i need to have more faith. i hear members share that fear is a lack of faith, and i don't believe that for me it is a test of my faith. since my fears are deeply imbedded and i need to work on them.

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  5. Syd,
    I used to watch Shock Theater, too. Great stuff.

    Love,

    SB

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  6. It is hard, when one is not protected as a child (and that has nothing to do with horror movies) to grow up to be rational about fears.
    I know.

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  7. So true! Most of the things I worried about never happened. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Part of my recovery has been to stop making things up in my blonde head! Hubby and I laugh about some of the things I would make up in my fear of rejection. Seeing things clearly and living in reality is actually so much easier, isn't it?

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  9. Those "horror movies in my head" are powerful! When I get scared about the future, I have to pray like a mad dog sometimes. Fear is the mind killer, it says somewhere in "Dune."
    I'm thankful we don't have to live in the insanity of fear anymore. We have great tools today, don't we?

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  10. We do create our own horrors and monsters within. Our mind is a powerful writer and director. The fears of childhood monsters in closets and under beds disappear, but as an adult we get to confront those fears, and at times it gets very scarey.....

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  11. I used to make those running leaps into bed, too, so that nothing would reach out from under the bed to grab my ankles. Too funny! I have been dealing with many fears this week and unfortunately they are carrying over into my dreams at night. This morning I woke up feeling like I watched one of those old horror movies all night. I suppose I have some more praying to do.

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  12. That picture just sends chills up my spine! I'm glad my fear is fading.

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