I've read that it's possible to have unconditional love of self in which you love yourself regardless of external conditions. This means being true to your feelings regardless of those around you. Based on what I know from Al-Anon, the HP loves each of us unconditionally. And if I look outside myself for love, I will not find unconditional love from another human. This has been a tough one to understand in my past but now I know that my demands for love often far exceed what the other person can give. And then my expectations of the other become burdensome and filled with conditions that end up in disappointment and even anger.It's hard for me to imagine unconditional love in intimate relationships. Maybe after many years together and a lot of insight, one gets to the place where there are no conditions vis a vis the other person. I know that I have lowered my expectations dramatically since being in Al-Anon. But they haven't entirely gone away. My mind will go to the place where I concoct the "what if's" and think about how I wish the one I love would not have an alcoholic mind or selfish behavior. Or if I could just remake them to be the way that I want.... I now realize how dangerous that way of thinking is but sometimes my head just goes there, just as a tongue goes to a sore tooth.
But then I have to say that there is the unconditional love of dogs. They seem to be so happy just to hear the car drive up or hear our voice. They wag, bounce around, and are genuinely glad just to be in our company. A morning at the beach is the best thing in the world. I've had dogs for many years and they have taught me a lot about life and living it in a happy way. Sometimes I think that the HP is manifested in the spirit of dogs and showing us in a tangible form how to love unconditionally.
Everything you shared in the first paragraph is the same thing my sponsor keeps telling me. When I keep hearing it enough I start to get it. My cats love me unconditionally. So does my God. I kinda love me too. I'm blessed with all the love that I have. It is enough, just for today.
ReplyDeleteI think the HP is that as well and more.
ReplyDeleteI really feel like I am capable of unconditional love. Definitely of my son, my sisters, my parents. I love them no matter what. No matter what. I think I love too freely, though.I even love my ex unconditionally, even to the point that it just hurt. I can love all of them and not like their actions, and be disappointed, and have resentments, but as long as they are there, the love is there. Or maybe it is something else?
ReplyDeleteyeah i can see that in dogs really...and perhaps there is something we can learn there...i think it is easy to fall into finding new conditions as we move forward in a relationship as well...
ReplyDeleteLearning to love and accept myself
ReplyDeletein all my flaws has allowed me to learn to love another.
But I will cling to my ideas of "how I want the relationship to be"
Letting go and trusting my HP helps guide me through all this
One day at a time
dogs are unconditional love personified for sure.
ReplyDeletePersonally Syd i think it takes some traveling within to find that room where there is silence. That place where judgment of others actions is suspended. I try to live within that space of silence without the 360 degree assault as much as possible. I for one never wanted a dogs life but I do want to love unconditionally them I choose to let that far within my being.
ReplyDeleteanimals are amazing, I was just doing some work with ' wild' this morning...
ReplyDeleteI agree, dogs are my best reflection of unconditional love. Expecially since they don't hold grudges for my poor behavior.
ReplyDeleteI need to be more like my dogs.
Could well be. But they still poop on the floor sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSuch a true and insightful post, Syd. I feel that I have unconditional love for Jackson. Its the same love I felt from my mom. Im so grateful to be able to inherit from her, to give to him.
ReplyDeleteIn romantic relationships, no, I do not think its possible. Its quite the conundrum,isnt it.
Love the pic with you and your dog and the beach behind. Lovely!
I'm with you about dogs, Syd. Such great loving creatures.
ReplyDeleteI love the photo. Have a great week.
SB
Dogs are God's gift to mankind. You're right.....they are full of unconditional love. That my friend is a great thing!
ReplyDeleteI like the sore tooth reference here.
ReplyDeleteBy truly letting go with no expectations in a relationship, in fact, all relationships, it is easier to just enjoy the "whatever" I see in the next person.
Perhaps dogs are capable of unconditional love because they live in the moment?
ReplyDeleteMy personal feeling/opinion regarding unconditional love is having total acceptance with no criticism or judgment of another - - just letting was is, be, and remembering my own inner spirit is okay.
ReplyDeleteAs for the dog - your blog brought back tender, though comical memory of my maternal grandmother when she was visiting us over a holiday. I was very upset at hearing my parents argue and fuss so much. I quietly confided to her my feelings (I think I was 12 or 13). This was her cue to tell me how a good wife should treat a husband: Most folks love their dogs unconditionally, as do the dogs in return. If a wife could only remember to treat her husband like a prized and loved dog, the marriage would be quite peaceful with loving acceptance. I had to think about this for a while; but I really think this is a good analogy. Besides, I heard in one of my Al-Anon meetings, DOG is GOD spelled backwards!
Thanks for the memory, and thanks for the wisdom.
Hugs, Anonymous #1
As they say, Dog is God spelled backward.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the dogs and their unconditional love...maybe it is because they don't have egos?
ReplyDelete