Thursday, June 9, 2011


My solution for what I wrote about yesterday was to talk directly to the boat and business owner. I expressed my concerns over what I had heard and observed. I mentioned that another person who has been on the boat during tours made a similar observation.

The owner listened to my concerns and said that he will have a talk with the fellow about being too friendly with the kids and not being professional. He obviously does not want any problems with his business. I know that I did the right thing by going to the owner with my concerns. If nothing improves by the time that tours for school children resume in the fall, then I will say something to the fellow himself.

I realize that Live and Let Live does not mean condoning inappropriate behavior. And it doesn't mean that I stand idly by while harm is being done. My tendency is to be direct and not mince words. I simply need to process things a bit before I take action. Many times in the past I have shot from the lip in a reaction and regretted not taking time to THINK. When I can check to make sure that what I am saying is thoughtful, helpful, intelligent, necessary and kind, then I am on solid ground. I believe that I did that in this situation. Thanks as always for your input.

On other matters, C. and I are taking shifts in staying with her parents at night. There is help during the day but not at night. I stayed last night and will be staying for the next two nights. Her mom needs help getting to the toilet. I am strong enough to do this. I am glad to help out. We are cooking healthy meals for them. Last night, I read to her mom until she dozed off. C. has put fresh flowers in the room and sachets of lavender about. Many of these ideas came from a great post on Recovery Archive that helped me to move past any awkwardness I felt. I am grateful to Irish for her posting following the death of her dad.

Although the carefree retirement days are temporarily in hiatus, it is all okay. Even Huck Finn had a hiatus from his river life but eventually got back to it.

"It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made or only just happened."
- The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain


  1. Good for you. and yeas Live and Let live does not mean condoning bad behavior.

  2. I'm glad you found your answer. And now, on to the next thing...

  3. My mom and I took care of my grandfather for a good chunk of time before he passed away, as frequently as my grandmother would allow (she ended up choosing to pay someone to sit with him, saying we didn't "do" anything when we came in...kind of pushing us out). It took both emotional and physical strength, as he was over six feet tall, but unable to walk or stand very well and after what we believe to be strokes he couldn't care for himself at all. It took emotional strength, because we loved him.

    Now, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and she is failing in her own ways. It is a different kind of trying. It is harder, in my opinion, because she is argumentative and set in her ways. I just let things go, because I cannot force any solutions. I am not on the front lines, I am not able to make any decisions or persuade any one to do so. I just bring my lovely self to the visits and do grand-daughterly things, as I should, I suppose. :)

    I'm sharing this because I can relate. I know the layers and depth that is added to our souls when we care for someone in the way that you are caring for C's parents. You're doing good things, Syd.

  4. Glad you thought it through carefully and objectively and took appropriate action.

    Helping another human being take care of their normal functions is loving and rewarding in ways you don't understand. I admire that you use your physical strength to assist your MIL and you are also using your emotional strength to read to her and calm her so she feels secure and safe. That may be some of us one day and I pray we all have a kind, gentle person to help us like you are now with your MIL.

  5. On the second part of your post, I know what it's like I had to get "over it" helping my mom as she was moving on.

    The first part...dude I have so many young girls 17+ that I hang out with, work their writing with them and just sit and have coffee with them and they all tell me they'd rather hang with me because I don't display the highly inappropriate behavior of that guy. What the hell is he 45 going on 12? Sorry Syd on that one I would have shot from the lip and if he had something more to say I would have loaded one from the fist.

  6. i am glad you had that convo...and i know they are happy to have you helping careful not to let it get in the way of you and C...just saying..

  7. I think you came up with a good solution and am glad that you took the action you did in the situation.

  8. I am SO proud of you, Syd. For all of this.

  9. God bless you Syd, you're a good man... I think you've done the right thing in talking to the owner about your concerns.

    People have taken care of us (especially parents) so we must do the same when it is our turn to take care of others.

  10. I !!! really like that THINK acronym and I hadn't heard it before so thanks for mentioning it. Al anon has some great guidance on how to act but not in a controlling resentment-fueled way.. Glad you figured that out. I always check with other people when something gets my goat too because I just don't trust myself to say or do the right thing when I'm uncomfortable about something.. The opportunity to get feedback from others is probably one of the best things about being in a 12 step programme. Has saved my bacon on many an occasion.
    I empathize with your care issues. Its amazing how tricky it is. What I mean is Im amazed that there are so many very basic issues that remain quite difficult to manage. Sounds like you are doing a great job with that.

  11. So sorry to hear about C's parents, Syd. You are a good son-in-law.

    There are few things I love more in this world than the words of Samuel Clemens. I don't refer to him as Mark Twain because one of his daughters once said she hated "Mark Twain" because it was the name the world knew her father by and the reason he had to leave them and travel. This was during the period that Mr. Clemens had to travel, because he was so heavily in debt, and in his absence, one of his beloved daughters died. He never got over it. I don't like the name Twain very much myself.

  12. As usual, I get to witness the success in our stories of what it was like, what happened, and what it is like today. I knew you'd find the solution. Thank you for sharing it. I'm glad you are able to be present for C's parents. I, too, read the post from Irish and appreciate her writing about her experience.

  13. Thanks for speaking up, Syd. Bless you for your caring in all areas.

  14. That's great you voiced your concern...not always an easy thing to do. We gain deep humility & compssion caring for those who are frail & helpless or sick. That is so sweet you read to her....I am sure she is treasuring this one on one time with you & C. It is such a gift.
    I have cherished the times caring for my mom. As hard as it is to watch our moms suffer, it is a real blessing to bestow that kind of love. We get much more in return.
    In certain ways my mom's "dying" has been giving us "new life" in ways we wouldn't have recieved otherwise.That is THE paradox for life & faith in many ways!
    My new post is called "Fly away angel friend"
    It is about my mom's close friend in her care center who passed on this week....


  15. I think you handled an awkward situation in just the right way. It is always best to step back and contemplate the entire thing and then do what is appropriate. You did just that.

  16. You've got a good head on your shoulders.I am sure you shared
    your concerns in a way that the
    person of whom you were speaking
    of and the one you were talking to,
    will listen.


  17. Strength to you and C. for your nights... Much is needed. Much will be given to you.

    I like AA solutions, or Al Anon solutions, whatever. They're so calmingly wise. Which my best sort of thinking, within the boundaries of my head, have never been.

  18. I just caught up on your posts and comments after a few days away - on the water myself :) - and I find myself stunned.

    In reaction to your Thank You post about the children you'd be teaching I wrote that I would - and I did - pray for the one who's waiting to meet you. As one whose potential life work was not encouraged, I envisioned some child's need being encouragement in that regard. In light of your Troubled post it strikes me instead that perhaps some child's need was for your voice in the matter of that man. I'm so glad you found the will and the words to speak up. It may be a prayer answered and not necessarily mine.

    Such behavior doesn't improve on its own. Given its stigma and particular despicability, success in it of course calls for a mastery of secrecy and deceit and disguise. Without intervention by watchdogs it will - it will - progress to the next and the next level, with progressively more and more boundaries crossed. As we know about the addicts in our personal lives, reason and rationale have little effect. In the case of sexual predators - whether minor or major is just a measure of the current day's progress in disease - don't forget that the authorities will also receive information anonymously.

    I intend to continue in prayer on behalf of all children on this man's path, and those on the path of men and women like him, and invite anyone at all to join me in that. As well, I'm reminded again to not only pray but to keep my eyes open.

  19. I think you did the right thing Syd. You are very wise.

    I am so sorry about your dog. We put our old Yorkie girl down last summer. It was time and it too was the right thing to do.


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