Saturday, September 24, 2011

Throwing away

Life has settled down once again.  My father-in-law was discharged and so the elderly couple are reunited.  They have managed to make it through so many years of marriage for reasons that few can comprehend.  Their vow of "until death do us part" is one that they practice.

I suppose that I feel the same way.  Maybe it is the co-dependent in me who is not willing to toss away another person when the going gets rough.  Although I was walking out the door due to being fed up with alcoholism, I know that in my heart, I was being torn apart.  I loved another, not because of vows or legalities, but because I truly loved this person that I married.  I knew her worth underneath the alcoholic demeanor.  I knew that she was a good person through and through.  Difficult, sad, stubborn--but still filled with goodness.  I used to tell people that she is the best person I know.  I believe that still.

We are a society that throws away people and things that we no longer want.  We give up way too easily.  Few want to dig deep within themselves to look for solutions.  Thankfully,  I have found a great deal of inner strength in Al-Anon.  I am a solution oriented thinker.  I don't throw away people or animals.  I need to throw away some things in the house but instead I take them to Good Will or give them to the nearby church who finds a way to distribute them to those in need.

I am glad to not be too quick to cast off lines but to contemplate the wind and the current to see how the boat will move away from her slip.  Life is like that.  I don't cast off lines easily.  I weigh circumstances, seek solutions, search within for forgiveness, and realize that each of us is so imperfect.

13 comments:

  1. I agree with you completely. Every. Single. Word.

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  2. Having been a throwaway as well as the thrower in the past, I so much appreciate that today I am willing and wanting to work on a relationship and honor the positive things in it. Seeing the goodness beneath a person's impatience or resentment takes a wise and healthy person. I am neither yet, but I am working on it.
    It is good news to hear your in-laws are both home again. Whew.

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  3. Beautiful thoughts Syd. I can relate to a lot.

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  4. I have contemplated this very topic in regards to the demise of my marriage. Was I 'throwing away' a perfectly good relationship simply because I was not getting what I wanted? Upon deeper investigation, I choose to refer to it as 'setting him free.' It was obvious almost from the beginning of the separation that my ex had no desire to make the changes that would be necessary in order for us to work. He probably would say the same about me.

    However, I have fought tooth and nail in other aspects of my life and I need to remind myself daily that gOd will reveal to me that which I must keep around.

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  5. Each of your posts are a lesson in life, Syd. Vital stuff!

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  6. sadly the truth in those we cast off...we are so fickle in our love these days...which will be to our detrimant as times get lean...

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  7. This is truth. I've been discarded by church ladies. ouch.

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  8. Sometimes you have to leave to survive. Leaving for me was harder than staying and I still struggle on a daily basis with my choice. But he is not in recovery and the police told me to leave and the Doctor told me to leave and still he went on in his denial and we lost everything and more than the money and the home that were lost and more than the debts that have incurred since, I realised in hindsight that I had lost myself. Do I regret my choice to leave. NO.This is my struggle towards health and it is the only thing I have any control over and YES at times it is incredibly hard and lonely, and yes I love him still and maybe always will but I had to learn to love myself more, and no I don't regret the past or the mistakes I have made because they're all part of the story, and I have this sense that by trusting my HP and letting go, that I will get to the good part.
    Just because you choose to leave doesn't mean you toss something or someone out of your heart, your soul or your mind without a thought.. It was the most difficult choice of my life.

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  9. How very fortunate your wife is. It seems women are more likely to hang in there with an alcoholic spouse than a man is. Call me sexist... go ahead...

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  10. Thank you for sharing, I needed that today. I always come away with hope after reading your post. I'm working on this little by little each day. I have a lot of the pieces of the puzzle at my disposal, it's slowing putting it together that takes time.

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  11. I emailed you, but the email on your blog got kicked back. Please update my feed. thxs!

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  12. Leaving isn't necessarily "tossing someone away." We get one life to live, and it would be a tragedy, to spend it living in a relationship in which we are unhappy, lonely, and unfufilled.

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  13. i can relate. My active drinking wife is a wonderful, caring person. I truly love her. In Al Anon for just over three months, if I'm struggling, I look in then mirror, look at myself. Little miracles are starting to happen. My beloved DD has been sober for five days. Every day, I pray to my Higher Power to take it all, all of it. The program has changed my life.

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