We had a great week of vacation. And the last couple of days at the AA/Al-Anon conference were good. I am probably prejudiced but thought that the Al-Anon speaker was inspiring.
One of the things that she mentioned was how prevalent denial is in a home with alcoholism. Saying everything is "Fine" is status quo. The truth won't be revealed because putting up a front to the outside world is so important.
When I started this blog, I used the title of "I'm Just F.I.N.E" because that's what I would always say if someone asked me how I was. I certainly didn't want anyone to know what I was really feeling! I would change the meaning of that acronym today from "f__ked, insecure, neurotic and emotional" to something a lot more positive. Maybe something like "free, involved, nice and energetic" seems more accurate now.
I certainly don't feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I no longer believe that I am responsible for the happiness of others. And I don't feel alone with my problems being foremost in my head.
Having a solution to what seemed like insurmountable unhappiness is an incredible thing. I am lucky in so many ways to still have dreams that I want to fulfill, rather than grieving those that were unavailable and unrealistic.
Yes, it has been a good week. I sometimes forget how things used to be. But as a measure of how far we have come, I can tell you it is miraculous.