One of the things that she mentioned was how prevalent denial is in a home with alcoholism. Saying everything is "Fine" is status quo. The truth won't be revealed because putting up a front to the outside world is so important.
When I started this blog, I used the title of "I'm Just F.I.N.E" because that's what I would always say if someone asked me how I was. I certainly didn't want anyone to know what I was really feeling! I would change the meaning of that acronym today from "f__ked, insecure, neurotic and emotional" to something a lot more positive. Maybe something like "free, involved, nice and energetic" seems more accurate now.
I certainly don't feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I no longer believe that I am responsible for the happiness of others. And I don't feel alone with my problems being foremost in my head.
Having a solution to what seemed like insurmountable unhappiness is an incredible thing. I am lucky in so many ways to still have dreams that I want to fulfill, rather than grieving those that were unavailable and unrealistic.
Yes, it has been a good week. I sometimes forget how things used to be. But as a measure of how far we have come, I can tell you it is miraculous.
Syd this sounds so inspiring. I grew up in an alcoholic family and that denial was absolute, very sad. Recovery is really a second chance for everyone in the family.
ReplyDeleteYou will never forget Syd but you will not be constantly reliving them either. Gadzooks man! You read content!
ReplyDeleteI remember trying to make my imaginary life, real by telling all we were fine. Denial was a huge part of my life. When I accepted my reality I was able to finally do the work and really be, OK.
ReplyDeleteInspiring, Syd. Thank you for always being inspiring.
ReplyDeletesmiles...a beautiful miracle indeed when you can start to forget a bit of how it once was....glad you had a great week man, that is awesome....
ReplyDeleteHi Syd, So glad to hear you had a great time at the 'Mid-Winter Conference.' It is one of the best, and always includes Al-Anon - by way of 'cooperation,' I believe.
ReplyDeleteGlad, too, that you are back in home port, safe and sound. Just wanted to drop by and say hi!
Hugs and Love from
Anonymous #1
Oh, it's so nice to read this!
ReplyDeleteSyd that picture is so beautiful. I'm so happy you are in a better place today. Thank you for your commitment to blogging.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you and C got away to this and had a wonderful time. You both have earned it.
ReplyDeleteGood post, Syd. It's really easy to forget the struggle and the pain when things go well but I need to always keep the gratitude for AA and Alanon uppermost. That's why my three meetings a week are set in stone for me ... even after 23+ years of sobriety I need to keep it "green" so I won't feel I have it licked ! (Besides which I have wonderful friends that I would never have known without these programs !)
ReplyDeleteThe photo is nice on this post. It's inspiring to feel peace and serenity one of the gifts of the program for me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I realise how far I've come in Al-Anon,gratitude is uppermost. It can be difficult to remember that angry, frustrated, resentful woman I was all those years ago. Today, life is good. It's so good to read this, and know that Al-Anon has worked for you, as well.
ReplyDeleteThe photo is hauntingly beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI am glad your life has changed so thoroughly.
I apologize, this is not related to Mr. Syd's post.
ReplyDeleteCan anyone tell me if Lou(BrokenHeartedMom & WhatDoesntKillYou) has a blog now, or if she hung up blogging ?
Big V
Glad you had a good week. I sometimes forget how things used to be too. I am grateful for the ability to live more in the present. I slip sometimes but definitely recognize how far I've come.
ReplyDeleteThen you are in a right track and if you continue to show strong "no" to alcohol then a recovery assistance might not be needed after all.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post and a way for all of us to live our lives..no matter what our past was / is. Once we break the pattern..no matter what it is...the world is ours!
ReplyDeleteahhh I've been away to long. Beautiful post my friend. I can feel the sigh of relief and peace as I read your post.
ReplyDelete