Saturday, March 15, 2008

Getting Honest

I'm up and heading out the door to the District meeting this morning. I didn't sleep too well and didn't want to get up. I've ruminated some about a tough discussion with a sponsee last night.

He's stalled out on the Step One questions that basically get at his story. The questions are those that I posted here. He said that he felt disgusting and unredeemable after answering a few of them.

I know that getting honest is tough stuff. It's hard for many reasons--not wanting to face the pain, not wanting to get rid of the pain, not wanting anyone to know about the pain. But the pain was what I didn't want to own anymore. It was what was dragging me down. It helped me to get things out that were painful and to acknowledge that I was human.

So I've asked him to answer what he can. And to start working on questions from one of the Al-Anon Step books. And to write out his story as much as possible. I'm there to be a guide and an ear. And to share what worked for me. And his HP is there to forgive him and love him no matter what.

I know that half measures do not work. Nothing short of an honest, wholehearted commitment to the program will help in recovery.
"The spiritual life of this program is based upon experience. What we feel, what we see and hear, is what we know. When we simplify our lives and base the truth upon our experiences, we slowly cleanse ourselves of the lies we told ourselves. With this kind of honesty comes an inner peace with ourselves in whom we can say, "I know myself." " From Touchstones


  1. A good reminder to me to trust the process.
    Have a peaceful weekend.

  2. all or nothing. i've always lived my life like that and it's gotten my into some trouble. yet that very same principle has helped me crawl out of that hole too...

  3. Good luck with this. It is hard to deal with someone who seems so unwilling, but I have seen them change. Hope yours does.

  4. its not that he's dragging his feet. ther is just something that seem unduly onerous to him about the process. (i think) that it is our job as sponsors to identify the faulty line of thinking, and re educate them accordingly.

    my fave old timer used to say
    "the only thing you give up is your misery"
    I would ask him 'what are you afraid of?'
    "what is it that you envisage being difficult at a later date?"

    if it is the "disgusting and unredeemable" stuff that is putting him off, it is your job to help him see that he is not (and never will be be ) "disgusting and unredeemable".
    I might say that I too can have feelings of being "disgusting and unredeemable" but i have learned not to follow those thoughts.
    I nearly ALWAYS have to re emphasize the point WE ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE GETTING GOOD WE ARE SICK PEOPLE GETTING WELL, over and OVER until they finally grasp that I MEAN it. that its not just some BS feel-good throwaway maxim i picked up somewhere.
    they get there in the end. but yeah, it takes hard work and effort to 'seek and destroy' these roadblocks as they arise.
    ah wel. good luck syd. im sure you will figure this out one way or another! have a nice sunday!


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