I'm up and heading out the door to the District meeting this morning. I didn't sleep too well and didn't want to get up. I've ruminated some about a tough discussion with a sponsee last night.
He's stalled out on the Step One questions that basically get at his story. The questions are those that I posted here. He said that he felt disgusting and unredeemable after answering a few of them.
I know that getting honest is tough stuff. It's hard for many reasons--not wanting to face the pain, not wanting to get rid of the pain, not wanting anyone to know about the pain. But the pain was what I didn't want to own anymore. It was what was dragging me down. It helped me to get things out that were painful and to acknowledge that I was human.
So I've asked him to answer what he can. And to start working on questions from one of the Al-Anon Step books. And to write out his story as much as possible. I'm there to be a guide and an ear. And to share what worked for me. And his HP is there to forgive him and love him no matter what.
I know that half measures do not work. Nothing short of an honest, wholehearted commitment to the program will help in recovery.
"The spiritual life of this program is based upon experience. What we feel, what we see and hear, is what we know. When we simplify our lives and base the truth upon our experiences, we slowly cleanse ourselves of the lies we told ourselves. With this kind of honesty comes an inner peace with ourselves in whom we can say, "I know myself." " From Touchstones