Talking about amends

Last night at my homegroup, we discussed Step Nine. The meeting was something that I really needed as I'd had some unresolved stuff floating around in my head since the weekend: A resentment of a good friend who decided to let his alcoholic behavior come out.

I've seen him throw tantrums before so it wasn't anything new. I have become tired of them though. And generally the tantrum is such wasted energy that could be channeled into something productive. Becoming angry, cursing and yelling masks not only the real problem but the real solution as well. So I found myself taking his inventory in my head.

So I am glad that we discussed amends last night. We shared about the amends that we made that weren't accepted. My sponsor has had a few of those. And I have had one of mine ignored--not exactly not accepted but ignored at the expense of some judging comments tossed my way. A great thing about Step Nine is that by going to make the amends without expectation of the outcome, it's okay if the other person ignores, rejects, or accepts what we have come to say. And that's because when I made my amends, it was a great feeling and one that made me feel relief and light in my mind and body.

So I'm not going to channel any more thoughts into someone else's misery. My friend will deal with whatever is going on without my presence. I'm moving on to more productive thinking and putting a "not for rent" sign in my head.